Page 8 of We Are Just Us

Encinitas wasn’t where he grew up, wasn’t where his mom had died, wasn’t where he’d had his first kiss or his first crush or his thousandth panic attack in the cereal aisle.

That was all behind him, somewhere north, somewhere with fog and cold and people who’d seen him flinch when someone said “gay” like it was an accusation.

Encinitas was supposed to be a blank page. Somewhere warm. Somewhere he could sweat out the past.

Instead, Encinitas came with Rory.

Rory, who lived in the same weathered duplex, with succulents in cracked ceramic pots, and a green Toyota Tacoma that had more dents than paint. Kieran had seen him twice that day, once at the beach, and again as Rory pulled into his driveway while Kieran was dragging trash cans to the curb.

They nodded at each other like guys do when neither wants to admit they’ve already made the other the main character in their 2 a.m. overthinking.

Oh, wait. That’s only my problem.

Kieran kept his eyes low, but he felt Rory watching him for a second too long.

That night, Kieran sat on the back step, hoodie pulled over his head, steeping ginger tea in a mug, as if ginger had ever fixed anyone’s shit.

They really weren’t wrong about the weather. It was almost midnight and seventy degrees.

His phone buzzed. A text from Emory.

EMORY: u kissed a boy yet?

KIERAN: not today

EMORY: loser

KIERAN: ur the one texting a loser at almost midnight

EMORY: just making sure ur still gay and alive. in that order.

Kieran smiled at the screen. He loved Emory for being casual about it. She was the first person he told, and the only one who hadn’t blinked.

She'd shrugged and said, “Duh. Your underwear drawer is arranged by color.”

But being out in theory and in practice were wildly different things. Here, in this town where no one knew him, he could be anyone. That also meant building himself from scratch.

KIERAN: both. barely.

EMORY: did you unpack yet

KIERAN: some

EMORY: some like most of it? or some like you opened one box and got overwhelmed

KIERAN: I unpacked the kitchen stuff and the dog stuff

EMORY: so the dogs are settled

KIERAN: the dogs are VERY settled

EMORY: and you?

KIERAN: I’m getting there

EMORY: are you though

KIERAN: what’s that supposed to mean