Page 119 of We Are Just Us

“Is that something you’d be interested in?”

Kieran hesitated. “I mean, we’re only with each other. And we’re both getting tested today.”

“Totally your call,” David said easily. “If you ever change your mind, we can prescribe it here.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“Great. Then we’ll do the blood draw and a couple of swabs and you’ll be all set.”

Kieran’s stomach tightened. “Got to love the swabs.”

“The full trifecta—throat, urethra, anus. It’s like an unfortunate game show where nobody wins, but hey, at least you get a lollipop after.”

Kieran laughed at that.

“Okay. Let me grab the supplies.” David stood and pulled out a butterfly needle, a tourniquet, and several vials.

Kieran’s vision tunneled.

“Deep breaths,” David said kindly. “You’re doing great.” He tied the tourniquet around Kieran’s arm and swabbed the inside of his elbow with alcohol. “Little pinch.”

The needle slid in and Kieran looked away, focusing on the ceiling tiles, counting them to distract himself.

One. Two. Three.

“Almost there,” David said.

Four. Five.

“All done.”

Kieran looked back and saw David pressing a cotton ball to his arm, taping it in place.

“See? Not so bad.”

“Yeah,” Kieran said, though his hands were still shaking.

“Okay, now the swabs. We’ll do throat first. Open wide and say ahh.”

Kieran did, and David swabbed the back of his throat quickly, uncomfortable but over in seconds.

“Good. Now the urethra. This one’s a little more awkward. I’ll need you to pull down your pants and underwear, just to your thighs.”

Kieran stood and did as instructed, feeling ridiculous and exposed.

David handed him a small paper drape. “You can cover yourself with this if it helps.”

Kieran took it gratefully.

“Okay, I’m going to insert this swab about half an inch into the urethra. It’ll feel weird but it’s quick.”

“Great,” Kieran said weakly.

David was right, it was deeply unpleasant.

“Turn around for me and put your elbows on the table.”

Kieran took a breath, staring at a poster about flu shots on the wall as David took the final swab—quick, efficient, and thoroughly unglamorous.