Page 348 of Mad Girl

“I know. You’re right. I’ve hidden a lot.”

“Like paying off Sienna right before you made me apologize to her.”

“I had to, honey. She threatened to press charges.”

“Then there’s John—why hide that?”

A muscle in his jaw flexed. “Hide what exactly?”

“That you’re attracted to him.”

“I didn’t hide it—not well, anyway.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I must’ve missed the part where you kissed him. Or held his hand. Or told him you loved him. Or the numerous other ways you could’ve shown me you’re in love with your best friend.”

He swiped a hand through his hair, nodding. “He has a public image to uphold. It was easier to keep it behind closed doors—with Libby, too.”

“Do you love them equally? Or do you love him more?”

He leaned back. “What makes you think I love him more?”

“It’s just a hunch—after hearing how you talked to him in your office the other day. You basically begged him to forgive you for lying.”

Nic looked away.

“See? You’re so used to hiding from me that you’re doing it right now. You’re still evading my questions.”

Nic met my gaze again. “I do. I love him more. I love that he loves you as much as I do. If something ever happened to me, I could trust him to make sure you’re okay. To be there for you in all the ways I couldn’t be.”

“And Libby?”

“I love her, too, but it’s different. She’s more career-driven. Which is fine—I admire that about her. But she doesn’t need me the way he does.”

“What about my mom? Did she need you?”

“Not like John. Not like I wanted her to need me.”

“Then why be with her at all? Why not just…be with John?”

“John had Michael. He had a family. You don’t give that up for…” He looked away again, swallowed hard, couldn’t seem to finish that sentence. “And I wanted a family of my own.”

“Maybe my mom sensed she wasn’t the person you really wanted. Maybe she thought you were settling for her.”

“I wasn’t settling for her,” he said tightly. Had I hit a nerve? “I loved her.”

“How?”

“What do you mean, how?”

“How did you love her if she wasn’t a good person?”

“She pretended to be good. She pretended to be a lot of things.”

“Tell me her name.”

He shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”