Page 313 of Mad Girl

“Oh,” I said. “Must’ve done it trying not to cry out.”

You stared at my mouth, transfixed. Something flashed across your face, there and gone in an instant. Then you pulled me close, tucking my head underneath your chin.

I often wonder: if it had registered to me right then—the significance of that bite on my lip, exactly like the one you’d noticed the week we were all snowed in together, when I’d done the same thing with Michael—and the guilt had clouded my face, would you have figured it out? That night? In my bed?

My most damning secret?

The following morning, when I tried texting Michael again and he left me on read—again—I nearly hurled my phone against the wall.

While you’d slept soundly the night before, I’d lain awake for hours, replaying everything you’d said about Michael. Sure, you guys had issues that had nothing to do with me—the lack of transparency being a pretty big one—but I was the reason Michael couldn’t let those other issues go. The reason he’d missed Christmas. The primary reason he would ever hate you, if he were capable of hating you at all.

Despite what my dad said, I needed to talk to him. I didn’t have a plan, really—other than convincing him to give you another chance.

That’s why you caught me in the entry hall after lunch, donning my coat and scarf.

I claimed Hal was taking me to Tinsley’s.

But Hal didn’t take me to Tinsley’s.

Hal took me to Michael’s. I pounded my fist against his door, only to come face-to-face with Sienna, who immediately drew back, surprised to see me. “Elliot?” She leaned forward, peeking over my shoulder. “What are you doing out by yourself? Where’s Casey?”

Stay cool, I warned myself, drawing in a deep breath. Don’t do anything illegal.

But I still shoved that bitch out of the way as I entered his apartment. “I’m here to see Michael.”

Sienna stumbled back in her black leather Chelsea boots, grinning like an idiot, and I remember thinking that pretty odd. What was so funny about being shoved aside by your nemesis?

Michael walked out of the kitchen. “What are you doing here, Elliot?”

“Wow,” I said, looking him over. “You don’t look sick at all.”

“Sick?” repeated Sienna. “When were you sick?”

Michael studied me a moment, then glanced at Sienna, who stood off to the side with her arms crossed, cleavage practically shoved up to her chin. “Elliot and I need to talk. I’ll catch you later, okay?”

Sienna didn’t looked miffed or homicidal or even remotely bothered at this turn of events—all of which I’d be if my boyfriend asked me to get lost so he could talk to another girl. She just grabbed her coat off a nearby chair. “See you later, babe,” she said with a smile, letting her bright red talons drift across Michael’s chest on her way to the door.

It was only much, much later that I’d fully comprehend how Sienna could be so agreeable and downright cheerful that day.

“Eww,” I said the moment the door shut behind her. Eyeing Michael, I removed my scarf and mittens. “You missed Christmas.”

He shrugged. “Didn’t really care to see Casey fuss over you the whole day. The little glimpse I got of you wrapped in his arms was more than enough for me.”

“He was upset about you, so we talked.”

“I bet,” Michael said, walking over to the couch. “Looked like a whole lot of talking took place before you guys fell asleep.” He glared at me as he took a seat. “Just talking—definitely.”

“You were really mean to him. You said you’d apologize.”

“You told me nothing was going on between you two. I guess we both lied.”

“We were sleeping, Michael. We slept.”

“Bullshit,” he said, all sharp edges and stiff suspicion. And it killed me. Was this it? The moment I finally lost him forever?

“You have to apologize.” I took a seat on the chair next to the couch, angling my body toward his. “You have to make things right with him.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” he said, cocking his head at me. “Why is this so important to you?”