Page 173 of Mad Girl

Nic was okay with us sleeping downstairs together if it made me feel more secure, but he also didn’t like that I couldn’t let the attack go.

“It won’t happen again,” he told me one night while you were upstairs taking a shower.

“You don’t know that, Dad. I don’t know why it happened in the first place.”

“You were alone and scared. You got a little worked up. That’s all.”

“A little worked up? It was terrifying. I never want to go through that again. And what about the clawing? That’s not normal.” I clutched my chest. “Why would I do that to myself?”

Nic reached for my hand. “Elliot⁠—”

“You know what else isn’t normal?” I asked, rearing back, trying to get away from him. “How I’ve never been left alone inside my own house. Maybe that’s why I freaked out. Because you’ve sheltered me too much, and it’s screwed with my head.”

“Elliot,” Nic repeated softly. “It was only a panic attack. And it’s over.”

“There you go,” I said with an incredulous laugh. “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“I’m saying how strange it is that you’ve never left me alone, and you’re ignoring me—like you always do. Whenever I bring this stuff up, you dismiss it outright, or you act like I never said anything at all. You refuse to acknowledge what I’m saying. You refuse to acknowledge how this stuff makes me feel.”

Nic stared straight ahead, hands folded in his lap. “I care how this stuff makes you feel, honey—I do. But you’re my daughter, and it’s my job to look after you. I don’t like leaving you alone. I feel better knowing someone’s here with you. I feel better knowing you’re safe.”

“But why wouldn’t I be safe in my own house? We have an alarm system.”

He didn’t respond.

“Is it because you don’t trust me not to hurt myself? Is that what it is?”

“That’s…one concern of mine.”

“So you think I’m a danger to myself.”

“I don’t like leaving you alone,” he said. Refusing, once again, to acknowledge my statement.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t.”

“That isn’t a good answer, Dad. I’m the only eighteen-year-old in this city who can’t go anywhere without an escort, and it makes me a freak. It’s not normal.”

“You’re not a freak. I don’t ever want to hear you call yourself that again.”

“But that’s what everyone thinks! You keep me locked in this house, you have Casey and Hal follow me everywhere, and everyone knows it. The kids at my school? They talk about it. They say stuff to me about it. According to Bree, even Libby’s friends talk about it.”

He drew back. “What?”

“Yeah. Libby’s friends talk about what a freak I am. How it’s my fault you don’t date because you have such a troubled freak for a daughter.”

“That’s bullshit.” Nic’s gaze flashed darkly. “I don’t date because I don’t want to. I don’t date because your needs are my main concern right now, and I don’t want anyone else getting in the way of that.”

“But what about what you need? If my needs keep yours from being met, that makes me a problem, Dad. Don’t you get it? I’m such a problem you can’t ever leave me alone.”

“What I need,” Nic said, “is for you to be okay. You might legally be an adult now, but you’re still my little girl, and your well-being will always trump mine. Always. You are not my problem. You’re my child. You’re part of me, and my number-one priority is keeping you safe.”

“But I am safe. At least, I felt like I was before I clawed myself. I was never afraid to be left alone before, and now I am. Casey’s having to sleep down here with me like I’m a kid who’s scared of the boogeyman or some shit, and it makes me pathetic.”

“But you don’t need to be afraid, because he’ll never leave you alone again.”