Page 70 of The Two of Us at the End of the World

Storm just kept staring at me, then down at the bucket which had only a thin layer of milk swilling around the bottom of it.

You’re going to need a bigger goat, she said. Or more of them.

It was my turn to watch her as she strode away through the cow-parsley.

She’s not going to run away, said Cat later, when I told her. She wouldn’t. But maybe she does want to stop feeding them. I would.

She grimaced.

Especially now they have teeth. It was bad to begin with, then OK for a bit, but now it looks like the worst thing in the world again. So we’ll get more goats.

How? I said.

Cat got so much done in a day because she saw things simply and just made them happen because as far as she was concerned there was no reason for them not to.

Stitch Country, she said, picking up the bucket and limping after Storm. We know there are goats in Stitch Country.

So that’s how we started out trying to help everyone stay happy and together by looking for goats, but ended up finding something else entirely.

First, we had to decide who would go and who would stay, because someone had to remain with Freya and the babies, who obviously couldn’t be left all on their own for the two nights it would most likely take to get to the place we had seen all the goats. We sat round the table to talk about it, and Freya was almost positive and not sniping away at everyone for a change. Cat thought she was really happy with the idea of not having to breastfeed any more. We were eating rabbit stew, and it was good, as it always was, my favourite meal. And I remember looking round at the three of them and seeing that they were all smiling at the same time, and thinking that was a first and more than that, this was how a happy family looked and how a happy family might look in the future too. And because of that I think I took the mission to get the goats even more seriously than I had been doing up to that point. We ended up deciding that Cat couldn’t go until her ankle healed – which she argued about of course – and so would stay with Freya, while I would go with Storm. I know Cat felt a lurch as we smiled and agreed on the plan because I did too. We talked about it later, after the girls and the babies were asleep. It would be the first time I ever spent a night away from her side, and her mine, not since we were left on our own all those years ago.

It feels odd, I said.

It does. She nodded. But we’re grown now, and neither of us is a fool, Mouse. You won’t take unnecessary risks, and you’ll keep Storm safe, and I know where you’re going.

Earlier we’d spread an old map on the table and traced the route to the old hospital where we’d been hurt by the wild boar.

No getting in between any piglets and a mother this time, she said. And if you get lost you just walk east until you hit the M-way and follow it home, right?

It was my turn to nod. The truth is that the thought of going away from Cat was making it suddenly hard to speak.

If you get stuck somewhere, or you don’t come back in time, I’ll come for you, she said. You can do this, Mouse. You’re a better hunter than me.

I nodded again. My words were still stuck behind the sudden arrival of the lump in my throat. Inside, I was thinking that what looked so simple on the map looked way more random and overgrown on the ground. Getting lost was a real possibility. And as to finding us if one of us was injured and we couldn’t move…

Cat must have been reading my mind as she watched the thoughts flicker back and forth behind my eyes. She grinned.

I’ll always find you, Mouse. You’re my only-one. And besides, I’ll have Digger. She’ll smell you out even if you’re stuck in the densest thicket out there.

I grinned back. She was right. Digger would always find me because she had a great nose for hunting, and Cat would never, ever leave me.

We’d decided to leave Digger behind because of the wild boars that we knew were out there. We didn’t know how she’d react, but we knew from experience that they were bad-tempered and dangerous and we couldn’t risk her provoking them. And she’d be company for Cat. And for the same reason we didn’t take the horses, not knowing how they’d react if they got in a standoff with the boars. I didn’t think I was a good enough rider to control – or stay safely on one if it got attacked.

Our final plan was to take Devil, the male goat, and use him to lure some of the other wild female goats if we found them by tethering him close by and then using a throw net to catch at least one new milker and bring them home. It was a simple plan, and the throw net was the one Cat had been given by my mother, though she’d replaced most of the weights over the years, and the netting was more repair than original. I spent the two days before we left practising throwing that net and perfecting my aim. I got very good at catching a broken-backed chair, but I did wonder how much harder it was going to be successfully entangling a running goat. Goats aren’t the most co-operative creatures at the best of times, and I anticipated a lot of failure before we got lucky. Cat told me to think positive. And I thought of the three happy faces round the table and the family that could be if we helped Freya calm down and not be so ragged all the time, so I shut my mouth and swore that I wouldn’t return without at least one goat to help things work out the way we all hoped they would.

I know from books that breaking your oath was considered very unlucky in the old days so maybe I shouldn’t have sworn that, even if only to myself.

We set off early, packs on our backs, each with a bow, and me with a long spear Cat made me which I used like a walking pole.

I feel like a wizard in that book, I said.

It felt awkward, swinging it ahead of me as I went along. I just wasn’t used to walking with a stick, especially not a long, sturdy one. Cat grinned as I tried it out, trudging in a circle round her.

It’s not for walking, Mouse, she said. Not really. It’s for using the poky bit to keep any angry pigs away.

A boar spear, I said. I knew about those.

A boar spear, she said. But don’t use it. Come back in one piece.