Page 86 of The Serpent King

He wondered why it seemed like God had abandoned him. There was no answer to that question. Would God notice enough to be offended by what he was thinking about doing? He didn’t care.

He looked down at the river and remembered the day of his baptism there.

He’s eight years old and dressed in a white dress shirt and black dress slacks that are both too big for him. His father’s told him that he’s following in the footsteps of Jesus, who was baptized in the River Jordan by John the Baptist. And Dill’s happy to be following Jesus, but even happier to have so pleased his father.

His father tells him that baptism symbolizes a death, burial, and rebirth as a disciple of Christ. That it will wash away his sins. And this sounds pretty good to Dill even though part of him realizes he hasn’t had very much time to sin.

The congregants line the banks and sing “Amazing Grace” as Dill wades unsteadily into the river, sinking into its mucky bottom as he tries to reach where his father stands, smiling. The river writhes around his calves, knees, thighs, and then waist. It feels alive, like a snake.

His father takes his hand and holds him while he immerses him completely in the muddy water and quickly pulls him back up, dripping. Dill wipes the water from his face and the sound of applause from the riverbank becomes sharper as the water drains from his ears. His father hugs him. Dill wades back, singing “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” in his high, clear voice.

He feels cleansed. Like the river’s flow has swept away his every burden and worry.

And as he gazed down, he longed for that feeling once more. He wondered if the turbid water gliding past could again carry away his burdens. Then he remembered the other time he had felt so free and clean. Standing on stage at the talent competition, looking into Lydia’s eyes.

He waited for the indigo gradient of the sky as the sun went down, until the first star of the evening.

Then he stood, gathered his courage, and decided to end this life and take his chances on the next.

The knocking on the door grew more insistent.

“Hang on,” Lydia called. “Just a second.”

Knocking.

“Chill already, jeez,” she called.

She got to the door and opened it, and her pulse quickened.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

Dill stood on the doorstep. Tears streaked his face. “I’m here because I made you a promise. I need to leave and go to college or I’m going to die. I can’t do it without your help.”

She fell on him and embraced him harder than she ever had. She almost broke her glasses against his cheekbone. Her own tears of joy fell on his neck.

“Sweetie? Is everything okay here?” Dr. Blankenship said, coming to the door. “Dill?”

Lydia broke the hug and exhaled quickly, fanning herself with her hand while she composed herself. “Yes, everything’s fine. Dad, I think we’ll be pulling an all-nighter. Dill is going to college, and because his decision is coming a bit late in the game, we’re in a hurry.”

“You’ll need coffee. The primo stuff. And lots of it,” Dr. Blankenship said, starting for the kitchen.

“And Pizza Garden. With bacon and jalapeño cream cheese. Stat!”

“You hate Pizza Garden.”

“I don’t love Pizza Garden. There’s a difference.”

“What about Dill’s mom? She probably frowns on all-nighters at girls’ houses,” Dr. Blankenship said.

“Correct,” Dill said.

“And we can’t mention college to her,” Lydia said. “We need a solid lie.”

“I’m officially required to tell you that I don’t approve of lying to parents,” Dr. Blankenship said.

“I’m officially required to tell you who cares and let’s get cracking on that Pizza Garden,” Lydia said.

“Touché.”