Page 67 of The Blue Moon Café & 24-Hour Occult Emporium

“Oh, you know,” Talula said, hugging her coat tighter. “Another day, another evil ex out to get me.”

“Any other evil exes in town that I should know about?” Dahlia teased. “Should I have brought more eggs?”

“Nope. She’s the only one. And the evilest.”

“What about…exes in general? Or current partners?” Dahlia asked lightly.

“Haven’t had a relationship since college,” Talula admitted, grateful the dark hid her blush.

“So you’re single,” Dahlia clarified.

Talula winced. Wasn’t it obvious Talula was a giant freak that nobody wanted to date? Talula didn’t know why Dahlia was homing in on her pathetic relationship status. “Yup.”

“Got it. Me, too, by the way.”

“How?” Talula heard the word come out of her mouth, and then she slammed a hand over her lips. “Oh my god, that was so rude, I’m sorry!”

Dahlia just chuckled and took another swig from the flask.

“I just…I just don’t understand. You’re so kind and brilliant and beautiful—” Talula decided to cut herself off the cinnamon whiskey.

“I’m what you’d call a ‘big personality.’ I don’t think I ever really learned restraint. I love being loud and saying exactly what’s on my mind and giving my girlfriends giant teddy bears for Valentine’s Day. One of my exes called me an IMAX movie twenty-four-seven. I’m…I can be too much for some people.”

Talula fumed. How could there be too much of Dahlia? It’d be like calling a once-in-a-lifetime sunrise “over-the-top.” Ferociously, she said, “New plan. Let’s go egg your ex’s house.”

“No need. My vengeance plan is already in motion.”

“What is it?” Talula asked, intrigued.

“She’s doomed to live a life without my luminous self.” Dahlia tossed her hair. “Ruthless, right?”

“I can’t think of anything worse,” Talula said, meaning every word.

Dahlia pressed on. “Kristen, however, lives in your town and breathes your air and says shitty things trying to make you feel small. Vengeance must be served.”

“Sunny-side up?”

Dahlia handed the flask back to Talula. “I’m open to suggestions.”

Talula took a minute to think as they wound through the woods, getting closer to the more central neighborhoods of Pine Hollow. She thought about how heartbroken she’d been in high school after Kristen had broken up with her. Kristen hadn’t done it kindly. Talula had climbed up to Kristen’s window at their usual meeting (sex) time. Kristen had told her to get out before she called the cops. Talula had run home, on this very forest trail, sobbing.

Her mother had struggled to give her comfort. “Lovers come and go, some with sweetness and some with a sting. We can mourn the losses,” Sara had said, tucking a blanket around a teary-eyed teenage Talula. “But at the end of the day, you must stand tall and focus on what’s most important. You. Your goals. Your extraordinary Magical Destiny. No romance is worth the distraction, my love.”

Talula had started sobbing again, the house turning a sorrowful bluish-black. Panicked, Sara had conjured every ice cream flavor on earth (and twenty-two from the confectionary dimension). Angry and heartsick over her hurting child, she had cried, “You say the word, and I will turn her into a toad for you, my precious girl! Or a newt! Or both—you shouldn’t have to pick!”

Now Talula pondered. What would a heartbroken teenage Talula have wanted for vengeance? Eggs? Interdimensional ice cream? Toad-newt hybrids?

“I think…” Talula let the words rise from her heart without censoring herself. “I think the best vengeance is a good life. One where she won’t matter to me at all. Maybe—” Talula took a nervous breath. “Maybe one day, I’ll be walking through the farmers’ market with someone. Someone amazing who lights up when I walk into the room and actually wants to hold my hand in public. And I’ll see Kristen watching me, happy beyond my wildest dreams, and I’ll look her right in the eye and just…smile.”

There was silence. Suddenly, the little not-revenge fantasy Talula had spun for herself made her cringe. She had exposed too much, showed a glimpse of her sad interior world that just wanted love and acceptance.

“I’m sorry. I made it weird.” Talula laughed awkwardly but wished she could disappear into the night air. “Forget I said anything.”

“No,” Dahlia said, quieter than Talula had ever heard her. “No, that was…that’s exactly the kind of vengeance you should have. All of that and more.”

It was Talula’s turn to be quiet.

“But maybe we can also put anchovies in her car. Just a thought!” Dahlia offered, her dimple at maximum mischief. Talula laughed, trying to quiet herself with a hand over her mouth. Dahlia joined right in, their hushed giggles filling the night until it hurt to breathe.