Page 90 of Gabriela and His Grace

“We couldn’t find you, Your Grace.” The housekeeper swept an arm in the direction of the lake. “Thomas searched all along the beach for you, and even up to the quarry.”

He ripped his hat from his head and shoved his trembling hand through his hair. “We were in the southwest fields with the new lambs.”

Mrs. Evers pressed her lips together. Eventually she glanced back at the manor. “She saw you in the nursery.”

Only his good manners and the deep respect he had for Mrs. Evers kept him from cursing aloud. As it was, Sebastian clenched his eyes closed as he imagined what Gabriela thought when she’d seen him with James and David.

The gravel crunched under the older woman’s feet as she approached. “Since you left for Eton, I’ve done my best not to interfere with your life. I’ve never wanted to overstep boundaries.” Sebastian glanced up to meet Mrs. Evers’s gaze, unsurprised to find her staring sternly at him. It was a look he found just as intimidating now as he had as a boy. “But you were foolish not to tell the duchess the truth.”

“I know,” he sighed, dropping his chin to his chest.

“And you made us all complicit in your lie.” The housekeeper huffed an angry breath. “I had to see the hurt and disappointment in that girl’s eyes, and know I helped put it there.”

A scorching shame encased him from his head to his feet.

“The duchess has been nothing but warm and genial since she arrived, and has had a smile for everyone. She would have loved our boys, if you had just let her.” Mrs. Evers was silent for a moment, and Sebastian simply stood there, disgrace rooting him to the ground. “Now what are you going to do to make this better?”

What could he do? Hadn’t Sebastian just confirmed all of Gabriela’s worst beliefs about him? That he was a rakish liar with little morals?

At that moment, Sebastian wanted nothing more than to get lost in the bottom of a brandy bottle. He could think of no better way to erase the image his mind conjured of Gabriela heartbroken and betrayed. Fuck, he really was a cad.

“Master Sebastian, listen to me,” his housekeeper began, planting her feet before him. “Did the duchess make you happy?”

He nodded, miserable.

Mrs. Evers clicked her tongue. “Of course she did. I’ve never seen you smile and laugh as much as you have since you married her…even when your dear mother was alive.”

He turned his head away so she wouldn’t see how his throat worked.

“You deserve to be happy, Your Grace. We all want you to be happy.”

Happiness now seemed like an impossibility with Gabriela gone.

Plucking his spectacles from his nose, Sebastian covered his face with his hand. “I don’t deserve her.”

Mrs. Evers was silent until he dragged his gaze to hers. “I wouldn’t dare say whether you deserve her or not, but what I do know is that girl loves you.”

“Do you think so?” Sebastian asked, ignoring the longing in his voice.

The older woman’s expression softened. “How could she not love you? You’re your mother’s son.”

Pivoting on his heel, he blindly wandered several steps away. Sebastian stared at the distant lake, sparkling like a sapphire in the countryside. “I haven’t felt much like her son lately.”

“Perhaps not…but there’s always time to do better.”

The gentle hum of the breeze and the chatter of birds flitting to and fro in the garden serenaded them as Sebastian grappled with his wayward emotions. Everything he feared had come to fruition, and he had no one to blame but himself. Sucking a deep breath of sweet air into his lungs, he willed it to ease his guilt-addled mind so that he could find a way forward.

If he wanted to earn Gabriela’s forgiveness, he needed to swallow his pride. He’d already made Gabriela swallow so much of her own.

Adjusting his spectacles, Sebastian turned to his housekeeper. “Will you have Polly pack a trunk for the boys? They’ll need clothes for a week, at least.”

The older woman smiled. “I’ll make sure it’s done right away. Should I have a telegram sent to Whitfield Place, letting them know of your impending arrival?”

“Yes, please.” Without another word, Sebastian turned to prowl up the garden path…when he stumbled to a halt. “I’m sorry for asking you to act so outside of your character. I’m ashamed I let this go on for so long.”

“Now that the duchess knows, you have to decide how you want to proceed. If you love her, tell her. If you’re sorry, apologize.”

“You make it sound so easy.” When Mrs. Evers laughed, he smiled…but he quickly sobered. “She might not even hear my apology.”