Page 120 of Only Lovers in the Building

Ben: Tell me what he did.

Lily: It’s more what he didn’t do. He never kissed me, never tried. When I asked, finally, what was up, he came clean. I wasn’t his type. He wanted to be friends.

Ben: He should die a slow and painful death. You’re everybody’s type. If he can’t appreciate that, he’s a useless human being, taking up oxygen for no good reason.

Lily: Wow!

Ben: I don’t mess around when it comes to you.

Lily: Thanks, buddy!

Ben: [Laughs] You’ll pay for that later. But we’re lost in the woods now. The topic is chemistry. What do you do when it’s not there?

Lily: One of our book club members had a similar problem. What started out as a slow burn sort of fizzled out. I was rooting for them and hoping for that spark that would set them on fire.

Ben: My uncle took my cousins and me camping once. He couldn’t light a campfire to save his life. We gathered sticks, and he doused them with lighter fluid. The s’mores we made later that night were toxic. I’m sure of it.

Lily: I don’t see where you’re going with this. Is there a moral to the story?

Ben: There’s only so much lighter fluid you can pour on any situation before it’s hazardous to your mental health.

Lily: Moving on from our mutual friend, we don’t like to tear books apart on the podcast. What are some of the things we loved about this novel?

Ben: It was one of the funniest we’ve read.

Lily: That mini golf scene is hilarious. I cried!

Ben: I know you did. Adorable.

Lily: We were all over the place today! Maybe it’s because you’ve made us the number one podcast for arts and culture? What an honor!

Ben: It went to our heads. We’ll do better next time.

Lily: Which is next week, for a bonus episode!

Ben: Fun stuff.

Lily: That’s all we have for now. My buddy Ben and I are off to play a round of mini golf. Thanks for joining us. Bye!

Comments:

@KharmaQueen: Screaming!!! The way that man went feral!

@ReadingAustenInBoston: I DON’T MESS AROUND WHEN IT COMES TO YOU!!!

@User8495uyt7t950404: The speculation is over. They’ve pretty much confirmed they’re dating!

Chapter Thirty

Ben had her back against a wall. There was no nice way to put it, no chic and tasteful turn of phrase to convey what he was doing to her. He was fucking her brains out. Lily, breathless, scratched his back and cried out his name. “Ben! Oh my God, Ben!”

“Am I your buddy? Is that what I am to you?”

Shocked, she went still. “Is that what this is all about?”

The pettiness! He’d played the long game, and she loved it. How long had it been since they’d recorded that podcast? He’d been ruminating on it like the vengeful Virgo he was.

“Well played, friend!”