Page 8 of Okay, Cupid

I bite at my bottom lip. “I wish I knew.”

“What about Leah?”

I shake my head. “She’s out right now, haven’t told her. Though Richard will probably know by now.”

Cal bites the end of his straw. “You can’t hide much from him.”

I let out a long sigh, dropping the wrapper and covering my face with my hands. “Cal! What the hell am I going to do? I was supposed to be able to do this! It was so simple, and I still fucked everything up!”

“Hey, hey.” Cal reaches over, pulling my hands away. “It’s all right, Jude.”

“Is it, though?”

He stares, his gaze comforting. Cal and I might not have that much in common beyond being Cupids. He doesn’t engage much in “human” activities like watching movies or reading books. Music is probably his biggest vice; he’s always making Spotify playlists and sending them to me because he wants me to expand my musical horizons.

“We’ve literally all messed up, Jude. All of us. You’re not any different.”

“I’m supposed to be better than this, though,” I tell him. “I … just … I …” I don’t know what to say. It almost feels like I’m running out of air, but that I’m breathing too much at the same time. “Leo was there,” I finally admit.

“Oh, wow. Leo.” Cal pauses, and for once I wish our powers included mind reading. I’d love to know what’s going on in there, what he’s thinking right now.

I told him about Leo the night before the kiss happened. I said, “I think I have a crush on a human, and I don’t want to talk about it right now but I just wanted someone to know and I know that you’re not going to judge me.” It all came out in a single breath.

Cal accepted this information and kept it to himself.

Now I tell him, “He was there, at the coffee place. I had everything set up, ready to go. Henry and Claire were seconds away from their meet-cute moment. But when I saw him, when I realized that there was nothing of me left in his memory, I couldn’t handle that.”

“I know what you’re feeling …” Cal says.

I have to resist the urge to tell him that he doesn’t. Cal’s a picture-perfect Cupid. There’s no mark on his record that’ll be there forever. He’s never been stupid enough to fall for a human.

He continues, …. and I know that whole situation hurt you a lot.”

“I thought that I was over it. I thought I’d gotten past it. I’m over him, I am!” It sounds like a lie even to my own ears.

“Jude, you and I both know it’s not that easy.” He sips more of his drink. “But that’s why we’re Cupids. ’Cause we’re better than humans. We know our emotions better.”

Pfft. Right.

“Maybe it’s normal that you’re still feeling these feelings,” Cal says to me.

“You think so?”

“It’s been … what? Six months? I’ve got this guy I’m supposed to help out—he and his girlfriend broke up a year ago and he’s still stranded in his feelings about it. Which helps because I’m supposed to be helping them get back together, but whatever. You have to get over him. He’s just some lousy human, after all. You can do better with your life.”

I wish more than anything that I could pop up on the other side of whatever “getting over him” looks like. Because I’d love to know.

Usually hanging out with Cal is an instant mood booster. We understand each other in ways that I don’t think even other Cupids are lucky enough to get. I suppose that’s natural when you’ve known each other as long as we have. I’ve spent many nights venting my frustrations to Cal, and he’s done the same to me.

Right now, though, I just want to crawl away into a deep dark hole and sit there with my amateur feelings. I know that isn’t the best response, but it feels like my only option.

“Oh, speaking of which. I’m supposed to meet Mr. I-Can’t-Live-Without-Her downtown. He needs new clothes and the ex just happens to work at the place where ninety-six percent of his fairly disposable wardrobe comes from. Want to join me?”

I hesitate for a moment and can tell that Cal sees the answer clearly on my face.

I pick up the straw wrapper again. “I think I just want to go back home.”

“I know you’re just going to go back to the apartment, sink onto that couch, and wallow in your feelings with one of those godawful movies you call ‘rom-coms’ that you’ve seen a thousand times while you have an anxiety attack about Leah coming home.”