Page 63 of Okay, Cupid

“I’m sorry.”

More silence, barely filled in by the sound of running water.

“I didn’t know how to talk to you,” he says. “I guess … I don’t know. There wasn’t a reason to be afraid, but I was worried. I thought that you might hate me, that you wouldn’t understand me.”

Seconds tick by like hours.

When Alice doesn’t say anything, he continues, “I was really confused and scared, to be totally honest. And I know that doesn’t excuse ghosting you like I did. But I hope it explains how I felt.”

“Huy, I get it. I mean, I don’t because I don’t know what you were going through. But I do understand to a point. I’m not mad at you for coming out or being trans. Please never think that. I’m just … you were my best friend. I loved you. And then you stopped talking to me.”

The faucet is turned off, the sound of still-dripping water echoing off the tiled walls.

Alice continues, “I just wish that you would’ve told me half of what was going on with you. I wish you would’ve had a conversation with me instead of just deciding for me.”

“I know,” Huy says.

“You didn’t owe me a coming out. You didn’t owe that to anyone; it’s your choice if and when. But I just wish you’d told me something. Anything at all. Instead of ignoring me.” Alice lets out a shaky breath. “I know that you were scared, and I was too. I lost my best friend. And that really fucking sucked.”

Huy doesn’t say a word, which is probably the safest choice.

Alice needs to get this out; she deserves that chance. She’s been hurting for so long, and the person who caused that hurt is right in front of her.

There’s never been a better time.

“I was angry with you because I was scared, and without you, I was all alone,” Alice continues. “I didn’t have anyone, not until Neve.”

“I know.”

“Tell me why.”

“What?”

“Tell me why what happened happened.”

“I …” Huy pauses. “I was scared too.”

More silence, more quiet. The dripping finally stops.

“I was scared of how you’d react when I told you who I am. I don’t know why, because I knew that you would’ve accepted me. But I didn’t know that for sure, and I was worried that you’d hate me. And then, at camp, all the boys welcomed me. None of them cared. None of them judged me. And I felt like a real boy for the first time. It felt so effortless, so natural. It was the first time that I ever felt like I belonged somewhere, and I guess I fell so hard into it because I was desperate. I wanted to feel as boy as I could, and they helped me do that.” He breathes.

“Huy …”

“And it wasn’t fair, to put that on you.” I can hear the tears, his voice going hoarse. “I know, and I’m sorry. You’re right, I made that decision for you. I didn’t want to hurt you. So I thought ignoring you was the easier option.”

“You did hurt me, Huy. But I’ve never hated you.”

He laughs. “Your stares from across the cafeteria make me skeptical of that.”

“I’ve been angry at you. Annoyed, frustrated, but above all of that, deep down I was happy to see you become who you really are, to be comfortable in your own skin.”

“God.” He sniffles. “That was so cheesy.”

“Stop ruining my moment!”

“I’m sorry, Alice. I’m so sorry.” Huy lets a sob slip, and my heart breaks for him. I hear something, a strange sound that I can’t make out.

The words come quietly. “I love you, Huy.”