Page 57 of Okay, Cupid

I find him toward the middle of the audience. Dressed in a dark red button-down and khaki pants, his hair trimmed just an inch and brushed away from his face. I recognize Mr. Trinh and Mrs. Nguyen next to him on one side, and a little girl who looks almost identical to her older brother sitting beside her. Huy gives me a short wave, close to his chest. And I give him one right back.

I knew that he’d be here. He told me that.

But knowing he’d be here and seeing him here are two totally different things.

There’s this beat of silence that feels like it carries the whole world. Mr. Lawson stands in front of us, tapping his baton on the music stand.

I ready myself, hunching toward the stand with our music. And with a wave of Mr. Lawson’s hand, we begin. I find my groove with Alice effortlessly, the practice really paying off.

When I dare to look up at the crowd, I can see smiles on their faces, videos being recorded. And then my eyes meet Huy’s again, and his meet mine.

He smiles so bright it’s distracting, and I feel that jump in my chest that breaks through even the nerves of keeping Alice in time.

“Jude!” I hear her whisper.

When I look, she’s nodding at the sheet music, signaling for me to turn the page.

“Sorry!”

My eyes meet Huy’s again, and I feel that familiar panic. The one that settled in when I was at camp, doing my best to get these two teenagers together, when I just so happened to spy Leo as he was helping a kid with a skinned knee, spraying an antiseptic spray and letting the kid hold his hand while he put a Band-Aid on one-handed.

He looked up at me, and he smiled.

I felt like the ocean pulled me under like a stone. It was immediate, turbulent, entirely out of my control.

I’d fallen in love.

And when I look at Huy, when he smiles at me …

I feel that all over again.

The room goes silent, and when I break eye contact and see the way Mr. Lawson is looking at me, I realize that I’ve missed my cue. I flip to the final page of the sheet music, the music echoing through the hall. Mr. Lawson turns back around and gives everyone a bow, the crowd erupting in applause. Everyone sets their instruments down, and while everyone else is standing for their applause—Mr. Lawson reminding everyone that we’ll be taking a short break before the theater department puts on their medley of songs from Wicked—I step off the stage.

I can’t breathe.

It’s like the collar of my shirt is wrapping itself around my neck, slowly, agonizingly ripping the breath out of my lungs. I know that I am breathing because I can feel the air entering my body, but it burns, like I’ve been running in subzero temperatures. It’s painful. I step past the poor girl being painted green into the single-person bathroom, locking the door before I fall against the wall, sinking slowly. The more rational part of my brain tells me that this floor is filthy, that I shouldn’t be sitting here. But with each passing second that voice is getting quieter, being snuffed out until there is nothing left except Huy.

The way that he looked at me tonight, the way his lips stretched into those dimples and he showed off his two front teeth, which are just a little crooked. I don’t know why these feelings have pulled me completely under, leaving me to drown in them.

But I know what they are.

Because I’ve felt them once before.

And I can’t let myself slip into them.

I’m not in love with Huy. That’d be so stupid. To fall in love with a human again, and after I just met him? That’s not how it works.

He’s a human.

And he’s meant to be with Alice.

To even admit these feelings exist out loud would be enough to set Leah off, to pull me from this job, possibly move me out of the Bay Area just to get away from these two boys who took my heart without my permission. To erase Huy’s memories of me.

Have we never considered how unfair a thing that is to do with humans, to mess with their memories without their consent? How fucked up is it that I’m only considering this now?

I never even asked for this life, for these powers.

Would life be less complicated as a human?