Page 4 of Okay, Cupid

A million different feelings try to drown me all at once. But only one thought comes to the forefront.

Why?

Just … why?

“Hi there.” He smiles again, and I notice that gap between his two front teeth that first made my heart rumble. He hasn’t changed much since last summer, when I went over to Oakland every single weekday as a counselor for this day camp because two of my fellow counselors had crushes on one another.

I hadn’t meant for it to happen, but Leo … the way he smiled at me, the way he looked at me with those warm brown eyes, the way he tapped his fingers on his knees when he was nervous, the thick sound of his quiet voice, the way that he loved helping the kids out, lifting them into the air or racing them around on his shoulders …

It made me fall.

All of it.

I made the mistake of letting a human get close, letting things get personal. I let the situation go somewhere it never should have gone. I thought it would be okay. I thought being so far away from the city, from Leah and Richard and Cal and everyone else, would make things okay. I sat next to him, I texted him, I held his hand, I whispered sweet things in his ear, and I let him do the same to me. I knew that it wasn’t allowed, that it could never go anywhere. Humans are too messy, too emotional, too unpredictable. We’re meant to help them as much as we can, and then leave them to their own devices.

But I liked him.

A lot.

And I thought …

I don’t really know what I thought, actually. Even now, I don’t know what to think. The expression on his face is plain; there’s no magic in his eyes, no familiarity. When I kissed him, when I let that happen, my powers poisoned him like a venom. I watched as each and every memory he had of me vanished from his mind, erased second by second until there was nothing of me left in him.

It was awkward, to say the least. He stared at me, and he asked with a heartbreaking curiosity in his voice, “Who are you?” My hands still cupped his cheeks. I could only stare at him, dumbfounded, scared, wondering what I’d done to get that reaction out of him.

It’s one thing to know what will happen when you break a rule, and quite another to experience the punishment.

“It’s me,” I tried. “It’s Jude?”

“Sorry, uh … Jude … were we making out?”

For a moment, I hoped it was some cruel joke, that he was just messing with me. But in the weeks that I’d known him, I’d learned that there wasn’t a cruel bone in Leo’s body.

What the Cupids had warned was true: He’d forgotten all about me. In the span of minutes, the time we’d spent together was gone, and there was no getting it back.

I arrived at my apartment with tears in my eyes, feeling like the only way to feel better was to crawl through my skin and do whatever I had to in order to stop feeling things. That pain lingered with me for a while, and now, seeing him again, I’m realizing that it never really went away.

I just got better at burying it.

“Did you catch that?” he asks, the drawl of his voice luring me in all over again.

“Oh, um … I’m sorry.” I hesitate, turning to the register. “Can you repeat your order?”

He peers at the menu, rocking on his heels as he tucks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Iced Americano. Venti, please. I need the caffeine.”

“Lots of studying?” I ask without meaning to. The quick math in my head tells me that he’s a senior now. I wonder if he’s still planning to go into childhood development. He was so passionate about working with kids, about volunteering at camps and hospitals. “I mean, were you up late? Studying or, like … something?”

I shouldn’t be having a conversation with him. He’s the reason I’m on probation. Which makes him the easiest possible way to get into more trouble.

He’s still smiling, though. “You could say that.”

“I, uh …” My words are lost the moment they leave my lips. “Sorry.”

“You’re good. I can imagine your brain gets pretty fried dealing with these people.”

“Yeah, it’s been a rough one,” I tell him.

“Well, if there’s anything I could do to make your afternoon more relaxing, I’d be happy to help.”