Page 91 of I Wish You All the Best

The message that would’ve been sent almost a month after I left.

After they made me leave.

I try to fill most of the nights with some kind of noise. When Mariam can’t FaceTime or text, I go down to the living room with Hannah and Thomas. I actually think about telling Hannah, but that would probably end with disaster. Part of me wants to talk to Nathan too, but really, I feel like the only person with the right answer would be Dr. Taylor.

Maybe she can talk me through this.

Except we don’t have an appointment until next Thursday. I guess I could ask for an earlier time, but I feel like that might make Hannah suspicious. She’d definitely know something was wrong then. Besides, there’s so much to do at school now.

It’s definitely getting closer to … well, everything. So far, I’ve gotten forms about tutoring for final exams, and even a few people wanting me to tutor them in Calculus; a flyer for senior night; information on prom and graduation tickets. It’s almost hard to swallow. Just a few short weeks, and this will all be over.

“Hey, I’ve got something for you.” Nathan digs around in his backpack during homeroom.

“What is it?” I eye the monstrosity in Nathan’s hands. It’s wrapped mostly in masking tape, but I can see the cartoon faces of BB-8 and Oscar Isaac poking through in a few places.

“It’s a present,” he says slowly. “You open it.”

I take the bundle and stare at it.

“You know, you’re pretty bad at this whole opening thing.” He pulls his chair closer. “Go ahead, I want to see your face.”

I try my best to unwrap it carefully, but with the tape the wrapping paper just sort of rips off in clumps. And underneath it all is a brand-new sketchbook. Hardcover, spiral bound, no doodles on the front, or notes or extra pieces of paper poking through the edges.

“I …”

“Thought you might need a new one, your other one was looking a little messy.”

“Thank you.” I look up at him, and he’s smiling like a total goof.

“My pleasure. I meant to give it to you the night we saw the movie, but it totally slipped my mind.”

“It’s perfect.” The bell rings, and all our classmates rush out.

We look at each other for just a beat too long. “Well, I guess I’ll see you in Chem.”

It’s a decent distraction from Mom and Dad, at least for a little while. But there’s still this gnawing at me. Maybe I should meet with them, just to hear what they have to say. Realistically, I don’t think I could ever go back to their house, but just because they messed up once doesn’t mean we can’t fix what’s left between us.

Right?

Hannah won’t be too pleased, but maybe she’ll understand, and maybe this will be her shot too. It won’t be perfect, but maybe we’ll get to be a happy family one day.

“How was the rest of your break, Ben?” Dr. Taylor asks me when we’re both seated in her office. The door closed, that wall between me and Hannah up.

“Good.” I feel myself relax on the ugly yellow couch. Things are definitely getting easier with Dr. Taylor. I don’t mind the appointments nowadays, and I think they’re actually helping me. “I didn’t do much, I hung out with my friend Nathan a little,” I say. “How was yours?”

“Oh, well.” Dr. Taylor chuckles. “Unfortunately, I don’t get much of a break, but my daughter was excited. I took a few days off and we went down to South Carolina to see my parents.”

“That sounds nice,” I say. I think this is actually the first time I’ve heard Dr. Taylor mention family. There’s something sort of neat about it, imagining this whole life she has that I don’t even know about.

“Is there anything specific you wanted to start the session with, Ben?” she asks.

“Actually, yeah. I really wanted to talk about something that happened.”

“Okay.” She clicks her pen, always at the ready. “Go ahead.”

“I found a message from my mother, on Facebook. It’s a few months old at this point, but the other night I was talking with my friend. He knows I was kicked out, and it got me thinking about what they’d been doing since I left.”

Dr. Taylor hangs on to my every word. I mean, she always does that, but there’s something different in her expression now.