Page 68 of I Wish You All the Best

I don’t. I really don’t. I wish the answer was easy, but it isn’t. How can you not love your parents? Even after everything they did, I have a problem saying it out loud. Maybe I don’t love them; maybe they don’t deserve that love anymore.

I think I might.

And I think I might hate them too.

One thing I do know is that I miss them. I don’t know why, but I do.

I hate that I do.

Nathan does this little nod and lets out this really slow breath.

I can hear him move, watch his hand slip from behind his head, and move down quickly until it settles across mine, and our fingers mix together again. I don’t even fight it, because for once, another person touching me like this doesn’t make me sick to my stomach. “No one should have to go through that,” he adds, like it’s an afterthought, but really, just the idea of him being here is enough right now.

“Can we talk about something else?” I ask. “Please.”

“Anything else?”

I just nod.

“I’ve got this English paper I need to start on.”

“Aren’t we supposed to be on break?”

That makes him laugh. “Be glad you never had Cooper. Might as well get a head start on it though.”

“What’s it on?”

“The Crucible.”

“Witches, stoning, and drowning. Fun times.”

“Mr. Cooper’s letting us pick our own topics, and I got nothing. At least it’s not due until after break.”

“Such a procrastinator,” I tease.

“It’d be easier if there was more gay subtext.”

I let out something between a scoff and a snort. “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

“In tenth grade we read this book about a gang of boys, and two of them were obviously in love, but my teacher turned down my idea for an essay on their relationship.”

“Always stifling creativity.” Two boys, huh? Well, at least he’s comfortable with queer guys.

“Can’t spell ‘subtext’ without ‘butt sex.’” He’s laughing so hard that he can barely get the words out, and that makes me laugh. And after a few seconds we’re both struggling to catch our breath, all the while, our hands never leaving each other’s.

“Do you know anything about astronomy?” he asks when we’ve both gone totally quiet.

“Not a lot. Why? Oh, tell me you’re a total astronomy nerd, please.”

“Let’s see.” Nathan points toward the sky and begins to draw an invisible outline. “You see that there? That’s Orion. And if you follow the belt there, it leads you right to Leo.” I try my best to follow his pattern, but with all the light pollution, it’s nearly impossible.

“And that’s Sirius.” He outlines something else I can’t make out.

“How can you even tell?” I ask.

“I have a secret method.”

“And that is?”