Page 31 of I Wish You All the Best

My heart drops. “Oh.” It’s all I can really think to say.

“I told him I didn’t think you were mad at him or anything. Just that you were going through some stuff.”

I open my mouth to ask a question, but Thomas is already one step ahead of me. “I didn’t tell him anything,” he assures me. “Kept it vague and mysterious, just how you like it.”

I let out a sigh of relief and walk over to the sink to rinse out the bowl. “Thank you.”

“He’s a good kid, just a little nosy.”

I glare at Thomas. “A little?”

That makes him genuinely laugh. “Okay, he’s a lot nosy, but he’s got a big heart. He likes to make people feel welcome.”

“Yeah.” I open the dishwasher, stacking the bowl so it fits perfectly. I don’t know what to make of Nathan yet, honestly. He seems cool enough, and he’s been nothing but nice to me since I got to Raleigh, almost to a fault. Like he has something inside him that’s telling him he can’t leave me alone for more than five seconds. “I should be nicer to him, shouldn’t I?”

“Maybe,” Thomas begins to say. “You should at least give him a chance. It can’t be easy, I mean, your life is … Well, a lot has happened over the last few weeks, Ben. You need someone you can talk to.”

“I thought that’s why I was seeing Dr. Taylor.”

“Okay, well, it helps to talk to someone your own age who you aren’t paying to dissect everything you say.”

“I guess.” I sigh. I can only rely on Mariam for so much. Between the time difference and them traveling so much to speak with nonbinary and queer groups across the country, having a friend might not be so bad.

Thomas pats my shoulder and gives me one of those awkward smiles. “You want to go ahead and leave? I can get a head start on my grading.”

“Okay.”

There’s not really anywhere for me to go so early in the morning. Mrs. Liu won’t be in for another hour, and it feels awkward to be in the art room before she is.

I like Thomas and all, but I’m not prepared to spend an extra hour in his classroom with nothing between us but awkward conversation and even more awkward silence. So I head back to the quad. At least now I can be alone, and the place doesn’t reek of cigarette smoke and pot yet.

I find a spot to sit down and pull out my sketchbook, but I’d really rather be painting right now. Maybe I could do the sky, the mix of light blues and almost transparent purples. With just the barest hints of orange and green from the sun. It’s like now that I can pick up a brush, it’s all I want to do.

There’s this really cool drip painting I did last week, that I’m really proud of. Mrs. Liu was teaching the Art 1 class about Jackson Pollock, so she had me study and show off the way he did his drip-style paintings. Mrs. Liu actually liked it so much that she put it on the wall of the other student paintings, across from the one of the cardinal.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and search through my reference photos. The one true benefit of getting a new phone is that I can now clog all my extra storage with useless reference photos I’ll never get to use.

There’s one of a rose I have been using though, and I’m really liking how the sketch is coming out. I think I’ve got the perfect brushes to try and paint it too. The kind that will capture the delicate softness in the petals.

“Now, Benjamin, you know phones aren’t allowed at school.” I jump, and Nathan plops down next to me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You didn’t scare me,” I lie. “And school hasn’t even started yet,” I argue without looking at him.

“Touché. What’s that?” He points to the half-finished drawing. I guess it is hard to tell what it’s supposed to be when it’s just vague lines sketched out.

“A rose.”

“Oh, nice.” He dramatically rolls over onto the grass next to the concrete steps, lounging out. “Draw me like one of your French girls.”

I stare at him.

“Titanic?”

“That’s a little dated, don’t you think?” I say.

Mom loves that movie. I remember begging to stay up and watch it with her so many times when it was on TV. Little did I know that it’s almost three hours long, so I’d always fall asleep before we even got to the iceberg scene.

“Whatever.” He shrugs me off. “Hey, can I see any more?”