Page 22 of I Wish You All the Best

“What?”

“Just keep repeating it back to me. It’s like that thing where words lose their meaning after a while.”

“Do you really think that’ll help?” I ask. I mean, I guess it makes sense. In theory, at least.

“If you get used to saying it, it’ll get easier. I think that’s how this works?”

I take a deep breath and force the words out slowly. “I’m nonbinary.”

“Again.”

“I’m nonbinary.”

“Come on, keep doing it.”

“I’m nonbinary. I’m nonbinary. I’m nonbinary.” It’s silly, standing in the middle of a lobby, repeating back the same words over and over again. But it does feel easier with each time I say it, despite the heavy feeling in my stomach. “I’m nonbinary. I’m nonbinary.”

“One more.”

“I’m nonbinary.”

“Good, you’ve got this.” She presses a hand to the small of my back and leads me to the elevators. “Just picture me if you have to, okay?”

I nod. Just get there. Get in there so there’s no turning back.

“And I’ll be in the waiting room if you need me. If you want to leave early, if you need me to sit in there with you, anything at all.”

“Okay.” The elevator doors slide open, and we walk in together.

I’m not exactly sure what to expect. Maybe stark white walls, ugly tiled floors, and an inescapable medical smell. But Dr. Taylor’s office looks just like what it is. An office. The walls are a light blue and decorated with colorful paintings. The furniture is bright too, and the floor is a warm hardwood.

“Hello! Ben, right?” She smiles and opens the door wide for me.

“Yeah.”

“I’m Dr. Taylor, but you can call me Bridgette if you’d like. You can take a seat right on the sofa.” Dr. Taylor points to this hideous mustard-yellow couch that sits against the wall. By some miracle, it fits the look of the room though.

“So.” Dr. Taylor grabs a small notepad and pen from her desk. “Your sister called to tell me about a few things.”

She’s older than I thought she’d be. Maybe midforties? She’s pretty short too, with brown skin and short, tight curls.

“What did she tell you?”

“That you’d been kicked out of your home.” Dr. Taylor takes a seat in the chair across from me, folding her legs over. “And that you might need someone to talk to.”

“That’s it?” I ask, a little surprised. I know Hannah said she didn’t tell Dr. Taylor anything else, but I didn’t really believe her. And now I feel bad for thinking my sister might out me like that.

“That’s it. I thought it wasn’t appropriate to discuss anything further without your knowledge.”

“Oh …” I’m not sure what to say. “Thanks, I guess.”

She nods. “So, can you tell me why your parents made you leave?”

I close my eyes, rubbing my knees. Here we go.

“You don’t have to, but it might be a good starting-off point,” she says.

“No, it’s …” I shake my head, picturing Hannah. Just say the words. Two little words, that’s it. “I’m … I’m nonbinary.”