Page 31 of Break Out

He tried, the tiny voice in the back of my head reminds me, but you ran.

“What was me?” Brody raises his eyebrows, watching me from the edge of the bed, his lips swollen from our kiss.

“New Year’s Eve,” I whisper.

His mouth opens and closes a couple of times, but no words come out. Finally, he seems to snap out of it and says, “of course it was me. You—you didn’t know?” He crinkles his forehead, a look I can’t place washing over his face.

“No. It was dark. All I could make out was the mask. It wasn’t yours. How was I supposed to know?” I stare at him, my gaze dancing back and forth over his face.

Brody throws his hands in the air and begins pacing. “I tried to say something, but you ran away. All this time I thought you didn’t want me.”

I rear back. “Didn’t want you? You’re the one who didn’t want me in high school. I flat out told you I liked you, and you told me we were better off as friends. That hockey kept you too busy to date.”

What the hell? Am I in the twilight zone? Is he for real? He wants me? Now? After all these years? After telling me he didn’t see me as anything except a friend?

“Aubs,” Brody growls, stopping his pacing and stepping closer to me.

I shiver. This is the first time he’s called me by my nickname. I don’t know why, in all the years we’ve known each other, he’s always insisted on calling me by my full name, but now. Today. He’s using my nickname, and it does something to me.

“It would never have worked out then, you had your whole future ahead of you with college and all your dreams. And what did I have? Hockey. I wasn’t good enough for you. But I’ve spent the past I don’t know how many years wanting you,” he continues. “Trying to be good enough to be worthy of you.”

“Why did you never say anything?” I ask, stepping back even more. I can’t think with him this close. My back hits the dresser.

I’m so confused.

I’ve daydreamed about the guy I kissed on New Year’s Eve, about kissing him again, more times than I’d like to admit. But I never thought I’d be able to. And yet, here we are.

“What was I supposed to say? You were off at college, then in grad school. Then you were pursuing your career. Doing amazing things. What do I have to offer you? I’m just a dumb hockey player.“ His voice hitches at the last statement as he steps closer to me.

“You’re not just a dumb hockey player,“ I say, squaring my shoulders and meeting his eyes. “I’ve never thought of you that way. You know that’s not how I see you. What do you mean you aren’t worthy of me?”

Brody’s shoulders drop and he stares at the floor. “Your parents thought of me that way. Your mother still thinks of me that way.”

My breath catches in my chest, and I can’t believe the words I’m hearing. “What do you mean?”

He peels his gaze from the carpet, taking a deep breath before saying, “I heard your parents talking about me. About us. One night when I was over at your house. We were outside looking at the stars, and I went inside. I don’t remember what for, but I overheard them in the living room talking about how I wasn’t good enough for you. And then trying to figure out how to keep me away from you so I didn’t ruin you.”

“Ruin me?” I furrow my brows at him, anger building up at my parents. How could they? First of all, how could they talk about a high schooler like that, but second, how could they think that Brody wasn’t good enough for me. If anything, I’m not good enough for him.

“I don’t know. That’s when I started making a big deal about how we were only friends. Threw myself even more into hockey. I hoped that maybe your parents would believe me and I could at least stay in your life as your friend.”

My heart breaks hearing him tell me these things. Knowing that we missed out because of my parents and their need for . . . who the hell knows. Control? A good image? Whatever it was, it wasn’t worth it.

“I got my bachelor’s degree last year,” Brody says, so quietly I almost don’t hear him.

My jaw hits the floor. “You what?”

“I’ve been taking classes during the off-season. It took me forever, but I finally finished my business degree last summer,” he admits, his face turning pink. Is he embarrassed?

“That’s amazing, Brody. Why didn’t you tell me?”

He stares at me blinking rapidly before saying, “I don’t know.” He pauses glancing around the room. “I thought maybe if I had a college degree, your parents would approve of me.” He hesitates for a second before adding, “And I could prove to my father that I’m not a total idiot.”

“I’m proud of you, Brod.” I lay my hand on his arm, not sure what I’m doing but knowing that I need to touch him. “But I hope you didn’t get your degree to prove a point. Or because you thought it would make you worthy of me.”

He sighs, staring down at my hand. “It might have started out that way, but the further I got into it, the more I realized that I was doing it for me. That I enjoyed the classes. Even if it never made me worthy of you.”

“Fuck that,” I spit out. “I don’t give a shit what my mother or anyone else thinks about whether you’re worthy of me. That’s such bullshit.”