Page 44 of Wait for the Dream

Bailey and I are sitting in a doctor’s office a couple days later. We are here for her thirty four week appointment. We have been to this office a few times in the five weeks we have been home for the summer.

We get called back. They take Bailey’s weight, directs Bailey to pee in a cup, and she shows me into a little exam room. Bailey walks into the room, and uses the step to sit on the little bed. The nurse comes in, asks Bailey a few general questions about how she’s feeling, if she is feeling kicks, and making sure she is checking her blood pressure regularly. Bailey’s blood pressure readings aren’t where we want them, but not high enough to deliver the baby right away. They sit around 140/95. The doctor has basically said as long as she doesn’t get any higher we will keep the baby in until 37 weeks. When the nurse takes Bailey’s blood pressure it reads 151/112. The nurse gives a concerned look, then asks Bailey to lay down so she can take it again. The second reading is 150/109, this is really bad.

The nurse excuses herself without much explanation. I’m guessing she is going to grab the doctor. I notice Bailey’s hand shaking, and I grab hold of it, using my thumb to soothe the back of it.

“It’s going to be okay, Blue,” I say hoping I sound more confident than I feel. It is too early for her to be born. She needs those three weeks.

“What if they want to deliver her now? Aiden, it’s too early, she isn’t ready!”

“They’ve been preparing us for this the whole time. Your blood pressure has been fucked up the whole pregnancy. I’m sure they’re going to do everything in their power to make sure she’s healthy.” I am standing between Blue’s legs holding her tightly to my chest. I can feel the wetness of her tears soaking through my t-shirt.

A quick knock on the door comes, and Dr. Hampton walks in. He’s a stout old man, with grey hair and beard and rosy cheeks. He kind of reminds me of Santa Claus, if Santa was an OBGYN who wore pink scrubs instead of a red suit.

“Hey Bailey, how are you feeling?” He asks gently, “And I want the real answer, not the one that you think I want to hear.”

“I’m okay, freaking out a bit about my blood pressure, but trying to stay calm for Rowan. I’ve been extra tired recently, and have had a persistent headache for a few days. Tylenol hasn’t really worked to bring it down. It’s not been so bad that I can’t function, but it’s just kind of there.” Bailey answers honestly. She hadn’t told me about the headache, and we would be talking about that later, but I’m glad she was honest with her doctor.

“Well, I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear,” A choked sob escapes Bailey’s lips at the doctor’s words, I tighten my grip on her, we both know what’s coming, “but it’s time to get you to the hospital. Between your blood pressure reading, the protein present in your urine, and the headache, it’s time to get this baby out. If I thought there was any other option, I’d keep your little girl in there for a few more weeks, but I think the most we can hold it off, is a couple of days in order to strengthen Rowan’s little lungs with a series of steroid shots.” He types a few notes on the exam room computer before he continues, “Before you head that way, we are going to give you the first shot. I just sent the order, a nurse will come and administer it soon. This will help her lungs develop a bit faster. Once you’re checked into the hospital, we will start you on a magnesium drip, and keep you hooked up to monitoring for the next twenty four hours. If at any point in that twenty four hours your blood pressure gets any higher, we will be wheeling you in for a c-section. Do you have any questions so far?”

“No, I think I understand.” Bailey has a vice grip on me, but I can still feel the tremble that has taken over her whole body.

He stands up and gives Bailey a pitying look. “I know this is a lot of information, but I love to have my patients informed. After twenty four hours, you will get a second shot, and we will reevaluate from there, but I would love to start an induction. I know the goal was to be able to walk around, use the tub, avoid pain management, but with you needing to be on constant monitoring and the magnesium for the pre-eclampsia, it won’t be possible. The magnesium will help lower your blood pressure, but it can make you feel a bit weak, so we have to keep you in the bed. I also highly suggest the epidural, pain can cause your blood pressure to rise, and as long as it does it job, it will greatly lessen the pain of childbirth for most of the process. We will do everything we can to make this comfortable for you and Rowan. I’m so sorry Bailey, but this is what’s best for you.”

“Is Rowan going to be okay? I’m only thirty four weeks, tell me she is going to be okay.” Bailey is close to hysterical at this point, if I hold her any tighter, I’ll be squeezing the life out of her.

“Baby’s are born at thirty four weeks all the time. I would have liked to wait a bit longer, but you need your body back now. I can’t guarantee she will be okay, but even if we waited three more weeks, I couldn’t. But it is my belief that four to six weeks in the NICU and she will be ready to go home with you.” Dr. Hampton is so gentle with her right now, and I’m so grateful for that. This is Bailey’s worst nightmare, and she needs someone to meet her with compassion and empathy. Dr. Hampton is doing that perfectly. Maybe him looking like Santa is a good thing “Do either of you have any questions before we get everything ready for the shot?”

I look down at Blue, and she shakes her head, “I think we are okay. While you guys are doing that, I’m going to make a phone call to get our hospital bags and my mom here.” Dr. Hampton steps out, “Are you okay, Blue?” I know she’s not, but I have to ask.

“I’m trying to be, but I’m really not. She’s so early, but she will be here in two days?” She responds.

“Both my girls are strong, and you both will get through this. I believe in you, but you’ve gotta believe it too. I will be here every step of the way, I’m not going anywhere.” I say. “I’m going to step into the hall and call Momma. I will be back before they give you the shot. I know how you feel about needles.”

My mom picks up on one ring, “Aiden, what happened?”

“Momma, we have to go straight to the hospital. Bailey’s blood pressure is really high, and the doctor thinks it’s time to call it,” Saying the words seems to break the tight hold I had on my control and a sob escapes my lips.

“Aiden, they’re going to be okay.” Momma’s soothing voice says through the phone speaker. Even halfway across town, my mom’s voice calms me.

I quickly pull myself together before relaying the information the doctor gave us a few minutes ago.

“I’m going to grab the bags y’all packed and put them in the trunk of my car. I’ll head to the hospital, and make sure the rest of the family is informed. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

I breathe a sigh of relief knowing Momma is going to take care of everything. I never doubted that she would, but this is the scariest moment of my entire life, and sometimes a boy just needs his Momma. I have to stay strong for Bailey, Momma will have to be strong for me.

“Thanks Momma. I have to get back in there with her, so we can get ready to head to the hospital.” I say into the phone.

“Give my girl my best, and let her know that I’m on my way. You guys are going to be fine Aiden Matthew. Stay strong for our girl. I love you my boy.” She hangs up before I can even tell her I love her back.

I’m putting my phone in my pocket when the nurse comes around the corner with Bailey’s steroid shot.

Bailey

34 weeks pregnant

Four hours later Aiden, Momma, and I are in a birthing suite at the hospital. Momma pulled into the hospital right as we were checking in, and met us in the suite with Aiden and I’s bags and a few snacks. I am hooked up to an I.V. for the magnesium and fluids, and monitors taking my blood pressure every ten minutes and two on my belly tracking Rowan’s heart rate and contractions if I have any, which I’m not expecting to. Over the last month I have had a few Braxton Hicks contractions, but nothing serious.

I’m trying to remain calm in this situation, but in reality, I’m freaking out. At thirty four weeks pregnant, Rowan has a very good chance of being born with very little complications, but that small chance that she won’t, freaks me out. She will need time in the NICU while her lungs continue to strengthen, but she should be perfectly fine. This little girl in my belly is my entire world, and the thought of anything happening to her makes me physically sick. Bear and Momma have been trying to keep me calm, and it’s working. Momma brought my kindle, my favorite blankets, and headphones to give me something to do while we wait.