Page 38 of Mia

That did it.

The floodgates opened again. She held on to me tighter, gently rubbing my back.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I got you, auntie.”

My tears caused KJ to lift his head. His little lips trembled, and he started to cry too.

“I’m sorry, KJ,” I said, bouncing him. “I’m okay. You don’t have to cry.”

Neha reached for him, and I handed him over.

“Give her a minute, baby,” she said to Nayelli.

My niece pulled back, grabbed my hands, and kissed them before walking away with her mother. I could already tell she was a special little girl. My brother pulled me into his chest and held me, rocking me back and forth.

“I know this is hard, Mia,” he said softly. “I’ve never lost a child, but I’ve lost someone dear to my heart. Feels like someone ripped that shit out and they’re stepping on it over and over again. You’re reliving that pain in real time because you can’t just move on from it.”

I sniffled. “That’s exactly how I feel.”

“I know. There is no time limit on grief, especially one like this. But I know you. You’re one of the strongest women I know. You’ll get through this, just don’t push us away. Let us be there for you. Today is the first time I've laid eyes on you since you’ve been home, baby.”

I hung my head. “I couldn’t face y’all, Steel. I pride myself on being the best at what I do. I overestimated things, and that fucked me up.”

“Everybody fucks up⁠—”

“Not to this degree. None of us has ever gotten hurt on a mission. I could have died, and then there would’ve been two funerals today. Maybe it should have been me too.”

He cupped my chin and forced me to look at him.

“No. That’s the grief talking. No matter what you did, you didn’t deserve to die.”

“Neither did my daughter, but here we are.” I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. “I need to go lay down.”

I walked past him and headed into the house. Slowly, I took the stairs to the second floor to my Gram's room. She had the most comfortable bed, and I just wanted to lay in it and shut the world out. When I opened the door, I spotted Jaeda on the bed sleeping peacefully.

I hadn’t spoken to my sister since I’d been back. She’d come over every single day and spoken to me outside the door. It was mostly “I love you's” or “I’m here for you's”. Sometimes she told me about everything that was going on with the family. One thing she never brought up, however, was her pregnancy. My guess, she didn’t want to upset me.

Shar, who was usually loud and boisterous with excitement, had been quiet about her pregnancy as well. Standing here looking at Jaeda’s belly, I felt a slight hint of jealousy, and I hated that. She deserved to celebrate creating a new life, and so did Shar. They hadn’t made stupid decisions that cost them a life.

I didn’t have the right to be mad or bitter.

Closing the door, I kicked off my shoes and walked over to the bed. Gently, I climbed in and cuddled up next to my sister. She stirred slightly, groaning a little as she turned her head.

“Quaid?”

“It’s me.”

Upon hearing my voice, her eyes popped open as she looked back.

“Mia?”

She carefully maneuvered herself onto her side, facing me. Grabbing my hands, she kissed my knuckles.

“Hey, my love.”

“Hey, sissy.”

She opened her arms to me, and I didn’t hesitate to sink deep into them. Lovingly, she rubbed my back and kissed my curls. For a while we laid there in silence, her belly rubbing up against mine. When I felt a kick, I looked down between us.