Page 35 of Mia

She turned off her phone so they couldn’t call or text her. Whenever they came by, the moment she heard them, she locked her bedroom door. The only people she let in to see her was me, her mama, Grams, and Senior.

As she reached the bottom step, she looked around the room at their faces. Several emotions played on hers before she turned to go back upstairs.

“No,” I said, stepping in front of her.

“Titan, move,” she whispered.

“No. They love you and they’re here for you.”

“We’re here for both of you,” Jaeda said, dabbing her eyes.

Mia hung her head. “I can’t do this,” she whispered, shaking her head. “I can’t. Please, just let me go back to bed.”

“Baby girl,” Senior said, stepping forward. “I know this is hard, but you will never forgive yourself if you don’t go.”

She scoffed, tears pooling in her eyes. “I can’t forgive myself anyway. This is too much. It’s too many people. Too much pain… just too fucking much! My baby…” She covered her mouth to hold in a scream. “My baby is dead, and it’s all my fault. How am I supposed to bury her?”

She collapsed against him, crying profusely. Everybody was tearing up. Just like me, I bet they had never seen her like this. Senior guided her out back, away from everyone. I stood there staring down at the floor, fighting back my own tears for the hundredth time. I felt arms around my waist and looked up to see Jaeda hugging me.

“I know you’re hurting too,” she said softly.

I hugged her back. “You have no idea, sis.”

Grams clasped her hands together. “Why don’t we head down to the mausoleum? I’m sure Stanley will calm her down and bring her over. Come on.”

She ushered the group out of the house. Jaeda squeezed my hand and tried to pull me along.

“I’m gonna wait for them,” I said.

“You sure?”

“I am.”

I walked the last of them out and stood on the porch as they climbed into their cars and golf carts. My eyes landed on Mr. James, who was standing against a black SUV, puffing on a cigar. He glared at me, giving me a nod. I wasn’t looking forward to having to meet with him. Knowing what I knew, I either wasn’t coming out alive, or I was coming out bruised the fuck up.

Either way, I never ducked any smoke, and I was a man about my shit.

Whatever the punishment was, I couldn’t possibly hurt any more than this.

Iwished like hell that I could fake the funk right now. I wanted to pretend like I wasn’t fucked up inside. Like this pain meant nothing, and I was perfectly okay. I’d done it so many times before for so long, but right now… I couldn’t. I was forced to face the consequences of my actions.

As I stood in this mausoleum, listening to my grandmother speak, all I wanted to do was walk away. I kept staring at the tiny coffin in front of me. If I was sure of nothing else, I was sure that it would haunt my dreams tonight.

Beside me, Titan squeezed my hand. I looked up at him and could see the redness in his eyes. He placed an arm around me and kissed my forehead before pulling me into his side. Behind me, my father rubbed my back. I kept thinking about what he said to me to get me here. I was fully convinced that I couldn’t stand here and witness this, but like he did with everything else, Stanley Dillinger had read me like a book.

“What you are feeling is more than pain, it’s guilt. You blame yourself for this whole situation. If you miss this opportunity to say goodbye to Eden, that regret is going to fester into anger, and that anger is going to turn into rage. That will destroy you.”

“Daddy, you don’t understand. I’m so fucking pissed off.”

“Baby, I get it. Something was taken from you… something you didn’t even know you wanted so much. You lost a child. That’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. As a father and now grandfather, I would lose my fucking mind if something ever happened to one of you. When Maddie called and told me you’d… you’d been shot, I didn’t hear anything she said after that word. It was like all the breath had been stolen from my body. I couldn’t imagine being back in a world where you didn’t exist.”

“How am I supposed to move on from this?”

“You never move on from something like this. You’ll never fully heal. It will never hurt any less. You just learn to handle it a little better.”

I shook my head. “I’m not gonna be better until JacQues Dupont is dead.”

“I know, baby. We’re going to handle that.”