Page 48 of Colt

“I’ve tried. The man is impossible. And lewd. And just—yeah, the absolute, absolute worst.”

Except, of course, when he’s inexplicably helpful and kind. But that occurs about one percent of the time, so…

Mom doesn’t respond for a beat. Then another.

“Mom?”

“Yeah? I’m sorry, the boys had a workout this morning and they drank all the coffee and—Goddamn it, now I have to make another pot because I haven’t had any yet.”

I furrow my brow. “Are Pete and Andrew drinking coffee now?”

“They mix it with buffalo-milk butter or protein powder or something like that. I guess their coach told them it’s good for building muscle mass, so now they drink it by the gallon.”

A familiar weight settles on my neck and shoulders. I roll my head to one side, then the other. “They should be making the next pot, then. Not you.”

Because I know she was the first one up in the house. She always has been, for exactly this reason: to make the coffee and, back in the day, make the lunches too.

“Well, you and I both know that’s not going to happen. How long are you going to be in Hartsville again? Hopefully it won’t be long if that Colton guy is giving you such a hard time.”

“Why wouldn’t you want me to stay here and crush this job?” The words come out of my mouth despite my efforts to keep calm. Maybe because I’m hurt she dismissed my feelings without a second thought. “So I can come back to Fort Worth and help you?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

It kind of is, though. And it makes me feel like I don’t matter.

“Whatever.”

“Look, Lainey, I don’t have time for your attitude today. If you don’t like the job, then quit. This complaining is not going to get you anywhere. Maybe then you could keep looking for a real job. I do think it’s important that you go into an office every day. Like, an actual office and not a coffee shop. You got an MBA for a reason, right? It’s time to grow up.”

My chest feels heavy. “Of course. I’m still looking for a more permanent job, Mom. Why would you ever think I wouldn’t want a job like that? Let’s not forget that you’re the one who pushed me to take this job.”

“Well, yeah. Because you had no other options.”

“Low blow. I’ve always worked hard, Mom.”

“So have I. Do you see me complaining?”

Wow.

Just…wow.

“That’s unfair,” I manage.

“Life is unfair.” I hear her turn on the faucet, probably to refill the coffeepot. “Your father’s up, so I have to go.”

“All right. Hope your day gets better.”

“Yours too. Bye.”

“Bye, Mom.”

I hang up and stare at the blank screen, feeling overwhelmed.

Rationally, I know Mom is undercaffeinated and unhappy, and that’s why she was a little harsh with me. I also know she has a habit of saying stupid shit without thinking. I think our call was a prime example of that.

Still hurts like hell hearing her say those things.

Still hurts to have her ignore my thoughts and feelings. She sometimes has a way of making me feel silly, stupid even, for thinking or feeling anything at all.