Page 160 of Colt

My stomach dips. “Maybe. Would you be okay with that?”

“I really really really really want to do sleepovers, so yeah, I’d definitely be okay with that. Can Sumner from school sleep over next?”

Okay, part of me is definitely still terrified that this is all gonna blow up in my face and that Lainey is gonna end up leaving after we can’t make it work and then Dean and I are going to be totally heartbroken. But I still can’t help but laugh.

I love this boy. So much it hurts.

“If you keep your underpants clean and you eat your vegetables, then yes, Sumner can sleep over.”

Dean nods. “Cool.”

“Cool.”

We ride in silence for a while after that. Dean starts singing Frozen songs to himself, thinking I can’t hear him over the clomping of the horse’s hooves.

Then out of the blue, he says, “I think Mom would be happy. You know, that we’re having sleepovers now.”

I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or brush off the thought. It’s kinda weird. It’s also…

Kinda nice.

Would Abby be happy for me? I’m not sure if we would’ve stayed together if she hadn’t passed. I was always willing to give our marriage another try, but she had feelings for the man she had an affair with. Much as that hurt back then, now I understand the whole situation in a way I didn’t before. I get how lonely she must’ve felt when I put all my attention and energy into parenthood, relegating our marriage to the back burner. I didn’t try nearly enough to connect with her or make her laugh or be a good friend to her.

I get it, Abby. I really do.

What if she fell in love with her guy so I could fall in love with Lainey? Sounds strange—maybe I’m even crossing a line by thinking that—but I’m trying to glean some meaning from everything that’s gone down. It’s nice to think all that pain, the betrayal and the heartbreak and the loss that we went through, would lead to something good.

Because at the end of the day, she was a good person just doing her best. I’d like to think I’m the same.

I just want to do right by our son. And I genuinely believe that’s what I’m doing by bringing Lainey into our lives.

“I think so too.” I’m wiping away more tears. “She’d be so proud of you, buddy.”

He glances up at the sky. “Bet she’s having a good old time up in heaven.”

“She is. We’re having a good time down here too, right?”

He grins. “The best.”

“You think we should ride over to Lainey’s?” I ask. “Maybe grab her a horse on the way so she can practice riding, since she’ll be doing a lot more of it with us?”

Dean throws up his arms. “Yes! Yes, Daddy, please!”

“Which horse do you think she’ll like best?”

He thinks on this for a minute. “Cream Puff will work in a pinch. But I think we should get Lainey her own horse. Maybe for Christmas!”

I burst out laughing. “Since when does Santa put horses under the Christmas tree?”

“I’ve been super good this year, so I’ll ask him. Pretty sure he won’t say no.”

Lord save us.

But really, will Lainey stick around that long? Because I’m already thinking about what I’d make for breakfast Christmas morning (cinnamon rolls for Dean, breakfast burritos and Bloody Marias for us). We’d open presents by the fire while we sipped our cocktails.

Dean would be in heaven. Not only because he’d get to open a small mountain of presents but also because Lainey would be at our house in the morning. Which meant she’d, yes, had a sleepover with us the night before.

Hasn’t happened yet.