Page 37 of Game Over

I said goodbye to Emma as we passed one another on the porch and headed home. I couldn’t stop thinking about how all my thoughts began and ended with Allie.

She consumed my every waking thought. Every dream that played in my mind as I slept featured her. I pictured us years down the road, still together, old and gray, as we sat on the porch in her rocking chair in the early morning light, drinking our coffee. It had barely been two weeks, and I knew I was in love with this fierce and independent woman. It was game over for me, and I never wanted to let her go.

CHAPTER 17

Sugar in the Gas Tank

Our Dolly. It kept circling in my head, invading all my thoughts. Our. Did he really mean that? Was he picturing our future together? Why did it excite me, but also scare the shit out of me? I think the smart thing would be to feel hesitant about it, but the logical side of my brain was clearly clocked out for the day, and only my traitorous vagina was online. My body screamed YES! We do want that. We want to lock that shit down now. Clearly, I have lost my damn mind.

“Hellooo. Earth to Allie?” Emma waved her hand in front of my face to get me to focus. We were lounging in the living room in our pajamas, eating pizza, The Vampire Diaries playing in the background, long forgotten as we caught up.

“Sorry, Em, I’m getting lost in my own head. Do you think I’m moving too fast with Spencer?” Blurting out the question that’s been eating at me since he asked me to be his.

“No… Why would you ask that?” She took a drink of her wine, eyeing me skeptically.

“Yeah, I mean, you two seem fairly happy from what you’ve told us, so what’s bringing this on?” Rachel chimed in from her spot on the floor as she sorted through the boxes of pizza that covered the coffee table, searching for the ham and pineapple stuffed crust. Our personal favorite.

“Well, he asked me out officially. As in the whole boyfriend and girlfriend label. We only met a week ago, which I think most people would classify as fast.” No one’s opinion on our relationship mattered, no matter how new it was, but unfortunately for me, I needed reassurance.

Both of my friends stared at me, looking for what, I wasn’t sure. They shared a knowing look, and Emma finally spoke. “Allie, you’re a grown woman. What anyone thinks of how you choose to date is none of their business. As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Besides, it's not totally uncommon to date so soon.” She shrugged and took another sip of her wine.

“And it isn’t like you don’t know this either. But you’re always putting everyone else's opinions before yours,” Rachel tacked on to what Emma said as she leaned forward to grab her wine from the table. Emma nodded in agreement, causing her giant bun on the top of her head to move, and her oversized shirt slid off one shoulder.

I swirled my glass in my hand, not sure what to say back to either of them. Spencer did make me happy. He made me feel light and giddy. Would those feelings continue to grow into more?

“Trouble in paradise already?” Emma said as she poked me with her toe, breaking me out of my daze.

“No, nothing like that. It’s the opposite, actually. Earlier, when Spencer and I were talking, he accidentally said ‘Our Dolly’, as if she was our dog, and I don’t know if he meant to and is thinking about our future, or if it was just an accident. But also, it simultaneously scares and doesn’t scare me that he could have meant it to. Not sure if any of that made any sense.” I ran my fingers back and forth on the edge of the fraying quilt I was currently wrapped in—a beautiful patchwork of burnt oranges, yellows, greens, reds, and creams that my granny made me. It was my most prized possession. If fall were a blanket, it would be this one. Some of the squares had line work of leaves or other greenery that all tied into each other. Whenever I was feeling especially down or having a rough day, I wrapped myself up in it. Even though she was gone, it made me feel like a part of her was here with me.

“Could’ve been an accident.” She shrugged and nestled back into the couch more. “I mean, I call your house home sometimes. Even if he was thinking about your future, isn't that a good thing?”

“Yes? Maybe? I don’t want to be stuck in another shitty relationship, and like you said, it is early too. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but I don’t know how to explain it, Emma. It’s like my soul knows him on a totally other level. Almost like our souls were floating parallel to one another in this universe, and now they’ve found where they belong.”

“That is some swoon-worthy shit right there. But Allie, for real, as long as you’re happy and he doesn’t have some insane red flags, then just go with the flow. If you end up not being compatible, then you break up,” Rachel piped in, shrugging her shoulders as she stood to join us on the couch. If there was one major difference between Rachel and me, it was that she didn’t plan anything and, as she mentioned, went with the flow on everything. Somehow, it always worked out for her too. I, however, needed plans made for everything.

“Amen to that one. I already have one divorce under my belt. I won’t ever marry again.” Emma raised her glass before taking a deep sip of the wine.

“Speaking of…” I shot her a look that meant we were about to have a serious talk. Rachel plopped down next to me and tucked her legs under her.

“God no, Allie, please. I don’t want to talk about Carson.”

“How do you know it’s about Carson, hmm?” I cocked a brow at her as I took another sip of my drink.

“Wait, who's Carson? What have I missed?” Rachel asked.

“Well, it was an educated guess, is all,” Emma muttered as she sipped on her wine. She turned away from me, but I could see her blush starting.

“I’m just curious. We always tell each other everything, but you've not said a single word? I’ll drop it if you want, but I want you to know that I’m here for you no matter what.”

She let out a deep sigh, staring into her wine before answering me, and when she did, it was barely above a whisper, “I’m worried how you’re both going to think of me and maybe even judge me.”

I scooted over closer and grabbed her hands, “Emma Lewis, look at me.” She turned her face toward me, eyes starting to glass over with tears wanting to spill, “I would never judge you, and you know that. How much shit have I done and you’ve never once questioned or judged me?”

“Same with me, girl. I know I joined later in life, but you’ve seen me at some low moments and were always there to lift me up. You’ve been one of the most amazing friends I could’ve found.” Rachel said to her as she reached across to squeeze her leg.

The three of us became a friend group once I started working at Prestige. It started with Rachel and me bonding at work, which turned into hangouts outside of work, and eventually, I introduced the two of them, and we’ve been a unit ever since.

“I know, but this is different. I—” She let out a shaky breath. “Okay, I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell anyone, that means Spencer, and you can’t judge me, okay?”