Page 130 of The Ache That Stayed

My fingers curled into my palms, nails digging into skin, as if pain would anchor me and bring me back into reality where there were rules.

But nothing did. Because no matter how loudly my mind screamed, my body refused to forget. It remembered him. The way it had leaned into his touch without hesitation. The way his words sank into me, striking the ashes I thought were cold, igniting a flame I didn’t want but couldn’t kill.

Julian’s voice slipped in then. Soft. Reasonable.

“It’s okay to feel for two people at the same time.”

A hollow laugh escaped me.

Because this didn’t feel okay. This felt like betrayal wearing a prettier name. This felt like I had just taken everything I had built—every piece of control, every boundary—and shattered it with my own hands.

A sick, hollow feeling spread through my chest.

What does that make me?

Someone who wanted it? Wanting what I shouldn’t? Crossing lines I couldn’t uncross, and still wanting more?

The thought didn’t even feel like mine when it came. It slithered in—familiar, poisonous.

Pathetic.

Weak.

Easy.

I shut my eyes, trying to wash it off. I shook my head, hard, like I could dislodge it—but it only got louder, clearer, settling deeper under my skin.

This is what you are.

This is all you’ll ever be.

My hand trembled as I dragged it through my hair.

I needed to get away before Santino found me like this.

Because if he looked at me with that unbearable certainty again—if he touched me, I knew I’d break. And I couldn’t afford to break. Not now.

I paced once, twice, before stopping abruptly as my phone rang again.

Unknown Number.

The only thing was that it wasn’t unknown. It was him, my uncle. My thumb hovered over it. For a second, just one—I thought about ignoring it, walking away. Pretending like I had done for years. But I didn’t. I answered instead, against all instinct.

“Hello?”

Silence. Then—a slow breath. Familiar in a way that made my insides lock up.

“You always did take your time.”

My grip tightened on the phone. My pulse spiked so fast the room tilted.

“What do you want, Darius?” I asked, frustration seeping into my voice. I said his name deliberately. Stripped of any title. In no way did he deserve to be given any kind of respect.

“First name basis. I can work with that, Pumpkin.” He chuckled. His sinister laugh cut through me, making my body go cold.

“Still trying to act like you’re in control, huh?” he added.

My throat tightened. My breath stuck halfway in my lungs. Suffocating. Heavy. I felt myself shrink, like the same helpless twelve-year-old all over again.