Page 46 of Bound

Math.

I’m hit full force with a load of equations I grasp for amoment, and then they’re gone. Cian’s head is filled with math and science andtheories on everything. He’s so smart. His mind works a thousand miles aminute. I can’t process it all. My brain hurts. Poems and stories and articleson anthropology and engineering written in several different languages fly inand out of my head.

A pounding pressure begins low in my skull.

And the women…so many women.

He loves sex. He craves it. He needs it to feel whole andcomplete. He gets lost in his mind sometimes, but his body always insists onhaving its fair share of time. There are blondes, brunettes, and girls withhair the color of the sunset. He’s affectionate toward them all. He likes themone or two at a time, and he loves it when he shares a female with his otherhalf. Cian likes to hold a lover in his arms while Beck fucks her. It’s been solong since they shared a truly intimate experience. Beck has become so rigid inhis sexuality. He hasn’t stopped sharing women with his brother. He’s donesomething worse. Beck stopped sharing himself with anyone. Beck has closed offentire sections of their being, and Cian feels the loss.

My pulse pounds as I’m flooded with memories of Cian’slovers. I have a brief vision of a beautiful blonde with her hand possessivelyon Beck’s arm. They walk into a brilliantly lit ballroom and everyone cheers.Cian is left out. It’s the night of his formal engagement, but he doesn’t wantto be there. He can’t stand the woman. Cian is sure she feels the same wayabout him. He’s in the way, and he knows it. Beck is resplendent in his formalcourt attire, but his face is pinched with duty. Beck doesn’t love her, either.How are they going to get out of this? I’m swamped with Cian’s panic as herealizes he’s trapped.

I hear myself moan as the siege continues. My hands tightenon Cian’s arms as I hold on for dear life. Tears squeeze out of my eyes as Ibecome sure my skull is going to split. I hope it does. It will relieve theoverwhelming pressure.

No, I feel Cian protest deep in my soul as the scene in mybrain changes. He doesn’t want to remember, but it’s coming, anyway. Thismemory is far too strong to be denied.

Smoke is everywhere. I can barely breathe. I lift my headand put a hand to my ears. The world is filled with cracks and booms that shakethe ground beneath me. I’m in the middle of a battle. There is fire, heat, andthe sound of metal on metal. I look down in horror. A teenage girl lies on mylap. She looks up with soft brown eyes. They’re filled with tears.

“Mama?” the girl asks. She isn’t confused. She’s asking aquestion.

She doesn’t remember what happened? Doesn’t remember thatshe fought to save the last piece of their mother? That might be a good thing.

“She’s gone, Bron.” I hear Cian’s voice speaking, seethrough his eyes, am assailed with his memories. His voice is filled withsorrow. His mother is dead. He saw her die at the end of a soldier’s blade. Hehadn’t been able to get to her. “Father’s gone, too.”

Bronwyn holds her stomach. She’s bleeding profusely. It’sonly a matter of time. We’re trapped. There’s fire at our back and an armybehind the only doorway out. I hold my sister close to my heart, Cian and mysouls mingling in this memory. Beck is still fighting, but he’s shielding itfrom his brother. Cian would have known if his twin was dead. He wonders ifBeck will die when he does. Will Beck feel it when the soldiers outside burstin and shove cold iron through his gut?

My hands shake, but Cian doesn’t let his sister see howscared he is. We are. We need to be strong for Bron. There’s a knife at myside. I’m not a warrior, but I will use it to defend her. I…Cian had killed aman with it already. The soldier who stabbed Bronwyn hadn’t been content withtaking her life. He tried to rape her as well. Now his corpse is cooling notten feet away. Cian tries not to think of him. He focuses his being on thesister he’s losing.

“Love you, brother.” Her smile reminds him of thefive-year-old girl who followed him around like a puppy.

“I love you, too.” He chokes the words out. I feel wetnesson my face and realize Cian is crying.

Bronwyn’s eyes go dull just as the door explodes inward. Ilook up, clutching my sister. I’m ready to join her.

Beck stands in the doorway, covered in blood. He holds abloody sword in his hand.

“We have to go,” he says with dark eyes.

Then the images come rapidly. The gun that is Cian’s brainsuddenly goes into machine gun mode. I can’t keep up.

I’m in a forest running from soldiers who swore to hunt thetwins down and execute them. I run from plane to plane. Then I’m building thiscottage with Cian’s hands. Refugees are everywhere. There isn’t enough food tofeed them, and they look to Cian and Beck.

A smoke-filled image invades my brain. Liadan stands by thebed, whispering to Cian. He tries to get up, but the smoke is too much. It’stime to fade.

It’s far too much. It’s way too fast. I feel the moment mybrain shorts out. I barely make a sound as I slip into a blissful darkness.

ChapterTwenty-One

Cian

I come to on the bed in the cottage I built so manyyears before. It takes me a moment to focus. Nothing surprising about that. Itseems to be morning, or maybe afternoon. I study the shadows on the wall anddecide it’s definitely afternoon.

What is surprising? Now that the initial fog is gone, I feelmagnificent.

My head is clear. How long have I been like that? I wasliving in a nightmare of chaos. The clarity in my brain is bliss after the longpandemonium that was my world for so long.

I sit straight up in bed, remembering what should have beenthe first thing on my mind. Meg. Meg bonded with me. It’s difficult to sortthrough everything that happened in the last few years. I’m certain now it hasbeen years since I began the long slide into chaos. I won’t ever get thoseyears back, but I remember Meg. Meg is the clearest thought in my head.

She is my wife.