Page 64 of Wilde Hearts

“He still loves you?”

I blew out a breath. “He says he does.”

“And do you still love him?”

Sighing, I said, “God, Caden. I feel like such a hypocrite for all the times I told you that you needed to move on from Rachel, and here I’ve been, stuck in the past and in love with a man I thought didn’t love me.”

He pushed off the pole and walked toward me. He picked up another brush and moved to the other side of the mare and started helping.

“You’re not going to get any judgment from me, Ensley.”

“I’m just so confused. A part of me doesn’t want to forgive him, but once he told me why he left, my heart broke for him. I’m still pissed because his excuse was just… I don’t know.”

“I’m sure it was a hard time for him. He’d just lost his brother to suicide. I imagine, just like you did, he blamed himself for not knowing anything was wrong.”

“That’s just it, though. He truly thought he was the one who’d caused Grady to take his own life. He told Grady he was going to ask me to marry him. In Colt’s mind, that sent Grady over the edge.”

Caden drew back in surprise. “What? Why would he think that?”

I told my brother the whole story, including what happened when Colt first told Grady he was going to ask me out, and how my friend had reacted.

I sighed. “It wasn’t because Grady was in love with me, that much I know. But of course, Colt was convinced he was. I get the impression he always had it in the back of his mind that Grady wanted to be more than friends. It wasn’t true, Caden. He loved me like a sister, and I loved him like a brother.”

“I know. He’d told me once himself he thought of you as the sister he never had.”

I smiled. “Well, the problem was, Grady never talked to Colt about anything. Colt had no idea Grady was in love with his flying instructor. He did know that Grady wanted to travel and that he was taking flying lessons, but that was it. Grady never told him he wanted to be a pilot.”

“Damn. Why do you think that is?”

I shrugged. “Maybe he was worried Colt would be upset with him. But I know Colt; he would’ve only wanted Grady to be happy. If that meant leaving River Falls and finding his passion for flying, then Colt would have supported him a hundred percent. Or maybe it was because of their dad.” When Caden gave me a look, I explained, “Unfortunately, I learned today that their dad used to compare them a bit. I think that could have made Grady feel inferior. As a result, maybe he wasn’t comfortable sharing things with Colt.”

Caden didn’t speak for a few moments. Then he softly said, “I just don’t understand why he never left anything behind. At least something for his parents, to explain why.”

Sighing, I replied, “I know. Anyway, Colt told me he went into Grady’s room, and it hasn’t been touched since his death. He said it was like a shrine. There was dust on the furniture, and he’s not even sure if his mother or father have been in the room in the last ten years.”

Caden’s eyes widened in shock. “Holy cow.”

“He’s not sure if he should approach them about it. So I thought he could talk to Mom and Dad, try to get advice on what to do. I mean, how can any of them move on if they’re still hanging on so tightly?”

He nodded. “I agree. It was nice of you to invite him over for dinner, especially if you’re going to be there.”

I chewed on my lower lip. “I admit, I wanted an excuse to see him again. I keep going from wanting to punch his lights out to wanting to hold him in my arms. It’s really fucking frustrating.”

Caden chuckled. “I’m sure it is. Let me ask you something, Ensley.”

I was positive I had a worried expression on my face. “Am I going to like this question?”

He winked. “Probably not.”

I rolled my eyes. “Ask away.”

“Can you see yourself forgiving Colt? Possibly even trying to make a go of it again?”

I let Caden’s question sink in for a bit, truly thinking about it. “Can I be friends with him? Yes. I think that’s an easy answer. Would I be able to watch him move on with another woman?” I shook my head. “I honestly don’t think so.”

“Could you move on?”

“I’ve tried, and I haven’t been very successful so far. I was at the point where I was going to look into either adoption or in vitro.”