Page 4 of Wilde Hearts

“Promise?”

“That I would remember he’d never stop loving me.”

Lilibeth wore a pained expression. “Have you heard from him at all?”

I shook my head. “Nothing. He often writes to and calls his parents. I asked about him constantly in the early days, and Lynn would tell me what he was doing and where he was. For a few years, he traveled around the world, and I think he did so because that was what Grady hoped to do. It was so painful to hear from Lynn that he was in Italy or Scotland. So…I stopped asking, and they stopped talking about him in front of me. It kind of became this unspoken rule between the three of us. I never mention him anymore, and neither do they.”

“He’s never been back to River Falls?”

“Nope. Not that I know of, at any rate. I try to visit Lynn and Jacob every couple of weeks. I adore them, and they’re like second parents to me, but they know their son hurt me deeply. I don’t know where he is now. or if he’s married or even has kids. And I actually don’t want to know.”

Lilibeth wore that look of pity on her face that I couldn’t stand. The same look everyone else gave me for the longest time after Colt left.

“I hate that he did that to you.”

I laughed softly. “So do I. And I hate him with every ounce of my being. I’d lost my very best friend only days before I lost the love of my life.”

Lilibeth ran her hand softly down Nellie’s back. She looked up at me and asked, “Is that why you haven’t dated seriously?”

“No,” I replied, blinking back more tears. “Maybe. Hell, let me be honest with you and myself. Yes—Colt is the reason I haven’t dated anyone seriously. Because I haven’t met anyone I don’t constantly compare to him. I thought maybe I’d met someone a couple of years ago who could finally make me forget about Colt. He’s a firefighter here in River Falls. We dated for a few months, and he wanted more…but I got spooked. I know I gave Caden hell for not moving on from Rachel, when here I am stuck in the past myself. I can’t seem to let him go. Or my heart can’t, at any rate.”

“This firefighter…could you not see yourself with him?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I could. That was what scared me. It was the first time since Colt left that I could see a possible future with another man. I don’t know how to explain it, but it felt like I was cheating on him. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking, what if he comes home and I’m dating someone?” A humorless laugh slipped free before I said, “It’s so stupid, and I know this doesn’t sound like me at all. I wish my heart could forget him, Lilibeth. I really do. He couldn’t possibly have loved me as much as I loved him. If he did, how could he have left me like that? All I have left besides a broken heart is just a stupid note telling me not to forget.”

Lilibeth stood, took Nellie, who was asleep, and set her in her crib. Then she sat back down on the floor.

“Just because someone leaves doesn’t mean you stop loving them.”

Wiping away a tear, I nodded. “For the first few years, I waited for Colt to come back home. I told myself he was hurt and grieving, and it had nothing to do with me. I would have taken him back without a second thought. Then the anger came, and I swore if I ever saw him again, I’d kill him. Then, finally, reality hit. Colt wasn’t coming back. That had to mean he never really loved me. So I tried to move on with Doug, and that didn’t work so great.”

“Is Doug dating anyone now?”

The thought of Doug dating someone else didn’t bother me in the least. “I think so. At least he was a few months back when I ran into him at the Honky Tonk. He was with someone he’d met in Estes Park. I think she lives there. He told me that he was thinking of moving.”

“Then he wasn’t the one,” Lilibeth said. “Don’t give up hope, Ensley. You’re so young and so beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have your heart.”

I took her outstretched hands in mine. “I’m sorry I unleashed all of that on you, especially on your wedding day. Sitting here in the silence with Nellie made me realize how far away I am from the life I want. I see my friends moving on with their lives, and I feel like I’m stuck. I can’t go back, and I can’t go forward. At least not with a partner. So, I guess I need to move on alone.”

“You don’t have to say you’re sorry. I’m always here for you, Ensley.”

We both stood. “We should probably get back out there.”

Lilibeth grabbed the baby monitor, and we headed out of the nursery. She softly shut the door and laced her arm with mine. “You know what I think we need?”

“What?”

“A night out. I’ll be the designated driver, and I promise not to drink.”

The last time we had a girls’ night out, I was supposed to be the designated driver, and my brother Caden had to take us home because I drank too much.

“Hey, I really didn’t think I’d had too much that night!”

She rolled her eyes.

“A night out does sound nice, though. Do you think you and Emeline would be able to get out?”

“I know I can, and I’m sure Emeline could, too. Actually, I bet we can get our parents to watch the little ones and we can all go out—the guys, as well.”