Page 44 of Wilde Flame

The cat made a few rounds in my lap, then settled in for a nap. Looked like she was ready for a story, too.

I sighed, dreading what I was about to say, but knowing I needed to say it.

“Rachel and I had been dating since high school before things ended a few years ago. I thought she was going to be the woman I married and had kids with. We dated for sixteen years; anytime I mentioned marriage, she’d put me off. Say she wasn’t ready, we weren’t prepared for that step. We were too young, or certain things had to happen before she could marry.”

“Things? What kind of things?”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Apparently, anytime I ever spoke about the ranch, it went in one ear and out the other with Rachel. She thought the ranch brought in millions, and that once my grandfather…well, once he died, it would pass to me. But my two uncles are still very much a part of running the ranch. Something she should have known after so many years together.”

Lilibeth frowned. “She thought you’d come into a lot of money, then? But…it’s a working ranch with a ton of overhead. Why would she think that? How would you get this money?”

“By selling.”

Her eyes went wide. “She wanted you to sell the ranch?”

I exhaled. “Yes, and move out of River Falls, and live this whole glamorous life she’d dreamed up in her head. I was her escape out of this town, and when she realized my plans weren’t the same as hers, and that I wouldn’t just inherit the whole place outright once Grandpa passed, she broke things off with me and left.”

“Did you not share your plans with her?”

A bitter laugh slipped free. “All the fucking time. This ranch has been my life for as long as I can remember, ever since my grandfather first put me on his horse and rode me around with him. It’s in my blood. It’s the only thing I know to do, and it makes me happy.”

“And Rachel wanted you to give all of that up?”

I nodded. “For years, I gave her my whole heart. I waited until I thought we were ready. Hell, I had this very house built for us. When she took no interest in planning anything, I should have seen that as a warning sign. Looking back, I realize I always made excuses for her, that much I can see now.”

Looking over at Lilibeth, I was struck by how beautiful she was, and I wanted to stop talking about Rachel. Somehow, talking about her with this woman tainted the little time we had together. “I guess I use anger as a tool to keep people away.”

Her brows lifted. “It would work, if you didn’t let little glimpses of the real you slip free now and then.”

“I do that, huh?”

Lilibeth nodded as she whispered, “You do.”

Looking back at the cat, I said, “The first year after she left, I was just plain pissed off. I’d wasted so many years on a person who’d promised me forever, only to rip that future out from under me. Once the anger faded, the pain came. Then the anger was back for letting her make me feel so damn sad. I guess I just got used to being angry. I told myself I’d never allow anyone to ever have that kind of power over me again.”

When I glanced at her again, I expected her to tell me that not all love is a power struggle, but she didn’t say a word.

“The last few years, I haven’t exactly been a saint. I’ve slept with women trying to push Rachel out of my head and heart. They all meant nothing, and truth be told, I always feel worse afterward. But I need you to know that with you, it’s been…different.”

A soft smile played across her face. “You don’t have to lie to me simply because you took my virginity, Caden.”

“I’m not lying. Like I told you last night, you, Lilibeth, scare the absolute shit out of me.”

Her brows shot up. “Me? Why?”

Licking my lips, I looked at the cat on my lap and lightly stroked her fur. “You make something in me feel alive again, and that scares me, because I’m not sure I’m brave enough to ever give anyone my heart again.”

She took my hand in hers. “I’m not asking for anything, Caden. The last couple of days have been amazing, and I knew before anything ever happened that you couldn’t give me your heart. You told me so yourself.”

I slowly shook my head. “I’ve never met anyone like you before, Lili. You make me want to give more, but I just don’t know how to love and trust again.”

With a soft squeeze, she leaned closer to me. “I’m sorry she broke your heart, Caden Wilde.”

“You’re not going to tell me that not all women are like Rachel, and I’m stupid for walling up my heart forever?”

“No,” she softly, said with a shake of her head. “The only thing I’ll ever tell you is that I’m so glad you were my first.”

A powerful feeling swept through me, but I couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Pride? No…it wasn’t that. Anger at the very idea of someone else touching Lilibeth? Yeah, that was definitely part of it, but I couldn’t decipher what else I was feeling. And it wasn’t fair to her that I wanted to keep her all to myself when I wasn’t able to give her all of me.