Page 25 of Lovely Venom

Kenzie nods, the breath whooshing from her lungs. “So I’m kind of freaking out.”

“What’s going on?”

“I’m staying with Andreas tonight.”

“Oh.” I offer her a reassuring smile, fairly certain I know where she’s heading with this.

“Don’t get me wrong, the man is insanely talented with his fingers and mouth.” She lets out an awkward little laugh. “But I’m so tired of being stuck at third base. I think I’m finally ready to try this whole sex thing again.”

“How are you feeling about it?”

“I’m excited, but I’m also really nervous. I have all these thoughts about how I’ll respond, and I’m worried I’m going to be too inside my head.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think that’s normal.”

“Is that how it was for you at first?”

“I was a hot mess,” I admit, cringing as I think about it.

“Really?” Her brows shoot up in surprise. “You always seem like you have it together. You’re so comfortable talking about these things, and you’re way more confident than I am. I keep wishing I could just get to where you are.”

“Trust me, if you’d seen who I was six years ago, you wouldn’t even recognize me,” I tell her. “I’ve come a long way, but it didn’t happen overnight, and I still have a whole load of baggage.”

“How’d you make progress?”

I consider it for a moment, thinking back to that time in my life and the event that started it all.

“Believe it or not, it was a support group that motivated me, but probably not in the way you’d expect.”

“What do you mean?” Kenzie asks.

“We were discussing the expectations society has for women who have been through this kind of trauma,” I explain. “One woman said it felt like she was always being judged based on what other people considered normal or acceptable. That really resonated, and I admitted that power dynamics appealed to me. But I felt a lot of shame over that, like maybe there was something wrong with me. And ironically enough, it was the judgment that came from another woman in that group that shifted my perspective.”

“What did she say to you?” Kenzie frowns.

“She told me she couldn’t understand why I’d let a man treat me that way after what had happened. So essentially, she proved my point.”

“Wow,” Kenzie mutters under her breath. “I wish I’d been there. I definitely would have had something to say.”

I smile at her protectiveness. “I think people either get it or they don’t. But I’m actually grateful that she said it.”

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t accept it.” I shrug. “When you come from a background like mine, education is an act of rebellion. Her words lit a fire in me, and I rebelled hard—learning everything I could on the subject. And not only did it make me realize there wasn’t anything wrong with what I wanted, it helped me embrace who I am. I decided that I’m the only person who gets to choose what’s right for me, and fuck what anyone else thinks.”

“And that’s why you’re one of my favorite people,” Kenzie says. “I need to remember that motto.”

“I’ll remind you if anyone ever tries to bring you down,” I promise her. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s okay to move on with your life and start a new chapter. From everything you’ve told me about Andreas, it sounds like he makes you feel safe and loved, and you deserve that.”

“Thanks,” she says softly. “I hope you feel the same about yourself someday.”

I offer her a weak smile just as Mariella pokes her head in the door, quietly letting me know the class is about to start. I nod at her, then turn back to Kenzie to wrap things up.

“You’ll have to let me know how things go,” I tell her. “I’ll be here if you need me.”

“Thank you. I feel better just talking it through. But before you run off, I have something else.” She rifles around in her purse and pulls out an envelope. “This was on your dressing table.”

My stomach sinks as I study the familiar scrawl on the letters that have been arriving with alarming frequency. Whoever it is just left me one two days ago, and they used to be a week apart.