Page 168 of Lovely Venom

That singular thought has been playing inside my head like a broken record for so long, it’s become the demon I can’t slay.

I’ve survived a lot in my life, but I’m not sure I can survive losing him.

It’s been at the forefront of my mind every day, and like most of my fears, it’s all too happy to feed itself. So I find convenient excuses, like the hunt for Elias, or the fact that Cristian is busy with work, or that there never seems to be a perfect moment. And every time I give myself a new timeline, the goalpost changes.

I’ve made two attempts at surprising him with the news. The first was having Nonna help me make Cristian’s favorite cake. He appreciated it a little too much, because I could barely get a word out before he had me bent over the counter.

I also had the genius idea of waiting for him completely naked with only a feather fan for cover—on which I’d written the baby news inside.

That night turned into a marathon, and by the time we came up for air, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.

I can’t keep getting stuck in this spiral, so I make a promise to myself that it will have to be tonight.

“Do you know what time you’ll be home?” I ask him.

It doesn’t escape me that he caught me calling it home, and I’m not exactly sure when that cemented itself in my mind. But if the warmth in his gaze is any indication, he seems to like it.

“I should be back by dinnertime,” he says. “But I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

“Thank you,” I murmur.

He leans down, lips ghosting over mine. “Call me if you need anything.”

I nod, and he gives me a long, languid kiss that I never want to end. Judging by the way he sighs when he pulls away, he feels the same.

“I’ll see you soon, gattina.”

“Come back to me,” I whisper.

“Always.”

With one last lingering touch, he leaves, and I press a palm to my empty chest.

He’s taking my heart with him.

“I feel like I was much better prepared last time.” Abella takes stock of the things we’ve laid out on the bed. “But the baby brain is so real right now, I’m regretting not making an actual list.”

“Well, that’s why I’m here to help,” I assure her. “Let’s start with toiletries.”

“I think I’ve got everything,” she says, but it sounds like more of a question.

I scan the things she’s prepared for her hospital bag, mentally going through the items I’d take with me to Black Velvet.

“Oh, what about hair ties and makeup wipes?”

“Good call.” She wanders into the bathroom and returns a second later, tossing them into the pile.

“You’re all set on comfortable clothes?”

“Yes, I think so. Comfortable being the key word.” She smiles. “With the first one I wanted to be new mom chic. This time, all I care about is being cozy.”

I smile and sit on the bed to help her fold the clothes. But when I glance down at one of the baby outfits, I’m hit by a wave of emotion.

“Chantel?” Abella murmurs.

“Hmm?” I blink up at her.

“Are you okay? You seem…distracted.”