Page 68 of Escape to the Sun

‘Have you?’ she asked, her tone pointed.

‘More than you can imagine,’ he said. ‘I’ve tried time and again to contact you – and I do understand why you didn’t reply. But I wish I’d been able to explain, to try to make it up to you. I can’t believe I was so completely stupid – you’re literally the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I messed it all up.’

‘What did you expect me to do?’ she asked. ‘I couldn’t bear to be around any of it. I was supposed to be marrying you, Ian – it was meant to be perfect. It was hard enough getting through what should have been our wedding day knowing what you’d done. I had to get away. Had to…’

‘No. I know. I get it. I don’t blame you at all. And I can’t blame you for not wanting to hear from me. And I know I’ve got no right to ask, but once you get back, I’d love to see you. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Hannah, and I am prepared to do whatever it takes to prove to you I was an idiot and that you are the only woman I want in my life. You always have been.’

‘I’m not sure that’s what I want,’ Hannah said. She should say something about Louis. But what?

‘I want to prove to you that I can be whatever you need me to be, moving forwards,’ Ian said. ‘Not to mention I owe you massively. Your parents came to visit – I can’t believe you didn’t tell them why you called off the wedding. They think you had cold feet – I can’t believe you did that for me.’

‘Yeah, well. Things were bad enough without me having to explain that to them as well. I’m used to their passive disapproval, so it was like water off a duck’s back to have them blame me.’

‘Once you’re back, we’ll work out how to explain properly. There’s no way you’re carrying the can for me any longer. I want to be completely honest from here on in. We could decide how to start again, couldn’t we? You must know how much I love you. And if you don’t, I’m going to spend the rest of my life doing my best to make you understand.’

Hannah leant against the balustrade, staring out to sea as she listened. He sounded completely distraught, far more upset than he’d seemed before she came on the cruise. Could Ruth have been right about her making too hasty a decision?

But where did that leave her with Louis? She’d found someone totally unexpected and exciting. None of the dots added up with him and yet she’d had more fun with Louis than it felt like she’d had for years.

And yet, when the cruise ended – and she went home – how would life with Louis work then? He’d be off on another cruise; she’d be stuck at home working in the deli… Did long-distance relationships work? Did she want to have to find out?

There was another level of unease tugging at Hannah’s gut. Ian had slept one time with someone else. He’d always maintained it was a huge mistake. She and Louis had been intimate repeatedly – nothing about what they’d done had been accidental. And even though she’d felt single, had believed her relationship with Ian was over, maybe it wasn’t as simple as that. Maybe she owed Ian another chance. And if that was the case, that meant she’d been way more unfaithful – wilfully so.

And that would mean she’d made a mess of a situation a million times worse.

35

Louis allowed Tim Price to dock the Ballygowan at Kingstown, under his and the local harbour master’s guidance. And it was only partly to try to mollify the man. It was also because it was Tim’s turn to be allowed the privilege. Or perhaps that was what Louis told himself to take the sting out of the way Tim grinned and quipped as he brought the ship to harbour.

He did a faultless job, though, and as the local harbour master wandered away to say hello to the cat, Tim raised his eyebrows and said, ‘Not rocket science, after all, is it?’

‘I never said it was,’ Louis replied.

Louis stepped aside as other members of the bridge crew clustered around to congratulate Tim, trying to shake Tim’s words as he radioed for Martin to escort the harbour master from the ship.

It was difficult not to feel incredibly disappointed at not spending the day with Hannah. But he would be no use to her as a long-term prospect if he failed miserably in his first posting as captain. There was no way out of it. Life had a way of throwing opportunities up like bones for a dog, while making sure the dog was secured on a lead, with no way to reach them. It looked as though he was going to disappoint Hannah just when he wanted to impress her the most.

Perhaps it was just as well he wasn’t heading on shore with her, with his mood plummeting.

At least the situation with his father appeared to be easing. It seemed such a small resolution, to have each asking for and granting forgiveness to one another. But why they hadn’t got to that place years ago was chewing away at Louis – it would have been so much better for his mother to have known it.

And he had no idea how he was supposed to feel about the situation if his father and Ruth did more than rekindle something they’d experienced thirty years ago.

His thoughts were swept away with the arrival of Millie, come to check on Portus before she headed ashore. And it wasn’t Ruth accompanying her, or Hannah. It was his father.

Millie fussed and checked bowls as Louis headed towards his dad.

‘I assumed you would have plans with Hannah today,’ Edward said.

‘Did you?’ Louis knew he sounded starchy.

Edward tilted his head. ‘You haven’t?’

‘I need to stay aboard. It’s all fine. I’ll see her later,’ Louis said.

Edward drew in a deep breath. ‘Ruth seemed to think Hannah already had plans, so I assumed… Will she have to spend the day alone?’

Louis sighed. ‘I have no idea what Hannah’s doing today. We’re not joined at the hip, you know.’