Page 79 of The Mistress of All & Torn

The evening lasted until close to midnight, as none of them was willing to end it. Elizabeth remained silent most of the time, troubled by her confusing feelings. Every pleasant moment was shadowed by a sorrow she could not completely defeat. Memories she struggled to bury burst out when she least expected them and instead of enjoying the improvement in her life, she kept worrying about the tragedy that it could have been if she had not been saved, if her husband’s accident had not occurred … if, if, if. The remembrance of the past was still stronger than any joy of the present.

“Lady Barrington? Elizabeth?”

She startled and noticed Cece in front of her. The guests had just left and the Bingleys had retired for the night.

“Yes?”

“Are you unwell?”

“No, not at all. Only a little bit preoccupied.”

“I wish to thank you, if only I could find the words to express my gratitude.”

Elizabeth gazed at the young woman in utter surprise.

“Thank me? Whatever for? It is I who should thank you for making our evening such a delight.”

“No, ma’am… I mean, Elizabeth. Can you not understand what you have done for me? Lord and Lady Sedgewick offered me love, care, education and support and I would have gladly given my life for them and it still would not have been enough to repay them. But you have offered me the feeling that, for the first time in my life, I matter in the world outside this house. That my existence is not meaningless. That I am worthy of being recognised and being appreciated. That I am not just a provider of good company, that could not be exposed outside the family.”

Tears shone in Cece’s eyes and her voice was heavy with emotion. Elizabeth, taken by surprise by such a confession, failed to voice her response. She only took Cece’s hands in her own as the woman spoke further.

“Please do not believe me to be ungrateful to Lady Sedgewick. She never refused me anything I asked of her. Back then, I was certain I did not need anything more. That I did not deserve more. I was content with what I had, as I knew it was much, much more than someone in my situation could dream of. And then you came and granted me your friendship and showed me not just affection, but consideration. Tonight I did not feel tolerated. I did not feel you wished to ‘show’ me to the guests. I felt part of the gathering. You have enhanced my life in a way that I cannot describe! That is more that can ever be repaid.”

The young woman ceased to fight her tears, which prevented her speaking further. Elizabeth embraced her and held her tightly for a while, before finally answering.

“My dear Cece, I shall not even pretend I can understand your torment. I did nothing but what I felt and I never considered I might have acted differently. I am privileged and grateful to call you my friend and you are as dear to me as my sisters. That is all.”

“Yes, indeed. That is all—that is how you are, Elizabeth. You don't even realise the extent of the changes you have brought into our lives—mine, Sarah’s, Libby’s and everyone else who you have saved. Fortunately, those who love you can see your true worthiness very clearly. Good night, Lady Barrington. Elizabeth.” Cece concluded, then rushed to her room, defeated by her emotions.

Elizabeth remained standing in the middle of the hall, stunned. A short distance away, Sarah and Libby were waiting for her, while the other servants cleaned the dining room under Mrs. Gilford’s supervision. She forced a proper smile as she said good night and slowly climbed the stairs, with the two girls following her—their mistress.

Chapter 24

The last days of August found Elizabeth travelling from London to Longbourn, in a large, elegant carriage, together with Jane, Bingley and Cece.

After the dinner party, Elizabeth had asked Bingley not to force the invitation upon the Darcys, but to wait for them to decide freely whether they would accept it. And they did—Darcy and Georgiana were expected at Netherfield after he had completed some unfinished business in London.

Mr. Hoskins—Lady Sedgewick’s solicitor—was also invited to join Elizabeth on her journey, since he was responsible for the past and future finances of the Sedgewick trust.

However, as Elizabeth intended to spend some time with her family first, Mr. Hoskins was due to arrive in a week.

Jane and Bingley were chatting joyfully with Cece; Elizabeth looked out of the window, absently. She was happy but anxious to be at Longbourn again, and she wondered if Lady Barrington—the woman who carried with her a heavy burden of sorrow—would find peace in Lizzy Bennet’s home.

“Elizabeth, you should stay at Netherfield with us,” Bingley said. “Since Caroline and Louisa are not there, we have so many spare rooms. You may choose one to your liking—it cannot compare with your present apartment, but I dare say it will be comfortable enough. We may go to Longbourn as often as you wish and I will leave my carriage at the disposal of your family, so they can join us at any time.”

“You are very kind, Charles, but I will stay in my old room. I want to be at home for a while. I have missed my family very dearly. The size of the chamber is my least concern.”

She could not say it out loud, but she hoped that in the comfort of her old bed, she would finally find the rest she had lost on the day when she accepted Lord Barrington’s marriage proposal.

“I understand that, Elizabeth. Besides, we will meet every day. Longbourn is very close. I remember when you walked three miles in the mud to take care of Jane.”

“Walking three miles?” Cece asked candidly.

Bingley laughed. “Yes. Jane came to Netherfield on horseback and was caught in the rain. She fell ill and Elizabeth hurried to take care of her. She is not much of a rider, so she walked. She arrived with her petticoat covered in mud and my sisters were sooo appalled. But I remember Darcy taking her side—which was quite unexpected. He had always been so fond of a proper appearance,” Bingley laughed.

“I am amazed how many peculiar stories you have that involve Mr. Darcy,” Cece replied with amusement.

“Oh, it was quite diverting,” Bingley continued. “He and Elizabeth absolutely hated each other. They argued all the time. And my sisters always supported Darcy, of course. But Elizabeth stood up against everybody with much bravery.”