Page 64 of The Mistress of All & Torn

“Yes, it is enough for one day. I still have so much to learn and so much to ask you, but tomorrow is another day.”

As they walked together, Cece spoke again, with apparent uneasiness.

“What is your ladyship’s expectation regarding the dinner arrangements?”

“What do you mean?” Elizabeth asked, genuinely puzzled.

“I may eat in my room,” Cece continued.

“In your room? Will you not dine with us?”

“This is why I enquired...Since your ladyship wishes to keep me as your companion, it would help me to know if we will maintain Lady Sedgewick’s rules.”

Elizabeth frowned and interrupted her hastily. “Cece, I spoke with Lady Sedgewick briefly about her affection and admiration for you, as well as about your peculiar situation, which I know she dreaded. She believed that you deserved only the best. But perhaps she had not enough strength and time left to settle things properly. Since now it depends solely on us, I would like your position in the house to change completely.”

There, in the doorframe, with Bingley and Jane at a polite distance, the conversation seemed awkward, both because of its gravity and the improper moment.

“As you wish, madam,” the answer came politely.

“Cece, I wish you to always join us at breakfast, dinner, or on any other occasion, except when you prefer to do otherwise. Regardless of whether we are alone, amongst family, or entertaining guests. I do not wish you to be my companion, but my friend, my helper and my adviser. Lady Sedgewick told me that you possess excellent knowledge and skills in business. I would be grateful if you would share them with me. I wish your input to be recognised and appreciated accordingly.”

Elizabeth smiled at her companion, who stared at her with the deepest astonishment.

“I most certainly do not intend to force you into any unpleasant circumstances. You will, of course, act in a manner that makes you comfortable and choose whose company and which situations you accept or avoid. I have told you what my desire is, the decision belongs to you.”

Cece returned a tearful glance. “Thank you! Surely your ladyship knows that you have my unconditional support and heartfelt friendship.”

“I am glad to hear that, dear Cece. Now let us eat—it is already late.”

“Indeed—I believe the events of the last few days have increased my appetite!” Bingley declared. “One can hardly believe that life could change so utterly in such a short time. Caroline and Louisa were stunned—they kept asking me how it was possible that we were moving into the Countess of Sedgewick's house!”

“I imagine they were,” Elizabeth replied, with a brief look at Jane. “I cannot thank you enough for accepting my invitation.”

“It is our pleasure! I only wish Darcy was here too—since we have all been together lately, it feels strange without him. I hope we will invite him to dine with us soon. Oh, I forgot to tell him we had joined you here—I must call on him in the morning,” Bingley continued with his usual amiability.

“As soon as we are properly settled, I will invite both Mr. and Miss Darcy to dine with us,” Elizabeth said. “In the meantime, please tell Mr. Darcy when you see him that he is welcome here anytime.”

She turned her attention towards her plate, but her mind was otherwise engaged. Just like Bingley, she wished Darcy was there too. The shivers she felt every time she thought of him were surely a sign that she missed him already, for more reasons than she dared to admit.

Later on, in her new apartment, Elizabeth prepared for the night with her heart still heavy. Dressed in her nightgown, she lit several candles and carefully examined her image in the mirror. The bruises on her face and neck were slowly healing. She brushed her fingers over them. They were barely painful, but their appearance was still disturbing, as they had become darker. She recollected the moment when her husband had almost suffocated her—the traces of his fingers were now clear on her throat. For an instant, she reflected that if she had not been saved that night, she might have never seen the following morning. Although she had fought, she would have been defeated. Grief and anger overcame her, as she remembered how helpless and powerless she was, at the mercy of a merciless man. She would do anything to never feel the same way again. Anything!

She blew out the candles and climbed into bed. She briefly thought that the bed in Darcy’s house had felt more comfortable, more relaxing, more soothing. Or perhaps it was just his nearness. Either way, she had to become accustomed to her new bed, to her new situation and to his absence.

∞∞∞

Elizabeth’s departure left Darcy feeling empty and lonely. He would have done anything for her protection and her tranquillity; he worried every moment about her safety in a strange house and about the countless obstacles that she still had to overcome that he would gladly have faced for her. But his distress was not entirely for her.

As much as he was aware that her presence in his house was due only to the unfortunate circumstances, her nearness had brought him a sense of happiness he had never before known. He called himself selfish and inconsiderate, but the voice in his heart could not be silenced nor denied.

He had expected her to leave, but that did not make the separation any less painful. Discreetly and with deep embarrassment, he returned to her chamber and sat on the bed. Gently touching the pillow where her head had rested, he remembered their nighttime encounter, when she had opened her heart to him. Would they ever share such intimacy again? Would their relationship remain as close and strong as it had grown during that tormenting week?

For a moment, he wondered what would have happened if they had not rescued her in time, but the reflection was so painful that he hurriedly dismissed it. Somehow, with the Lord’s will and Elizabeth’s cleverness in warning them, her ordeal had ended. She had suffered more than they had imagined, but less than they had feared.

However, as hard as he tried, the past could not be dismissed, as it still surrounded them and it affected their present and future.

All day he had been tempted to call at the Sedgewick townhouse and offer his help. But he resisted the temptation. It was only the first day and Elizabeth was surely just accustoming herself to her new circumstances. She knew she could count on his help, so she would ask for it if needed. She was still troubled, pained, confused and as much as he longed to see if she was well, it was improper to intrude and to force his presence on her.

The feeling he had hoped to never arouse in her—gratitude—was certainly the strongest, if not the only one she was experiencing towards him. She felt indebted to him, so her behaviour would always be friendly and welcoming. But were her sentiments any deeper than that? He knew he must offer her the time and the distance to recover, to rediscover herself and only then—much later—to examine her true feelings and desires. It was much too soon to even consider such a notion. And still, he could not stop wondering. Yes, he was a selfish man and the voice of his heart was stronger than his reason. Keeping it under good regulation had always been a daunting task when Elizabeth was involved.