Page 61 of The Mistress of All & Torn

Cece’s face warmed with affection. “She was the most extraordinary lady. Having the privilege of knowing her was my good fortune and gaining her approval was my purpose.”

“I am sure she was very fond of you, too,” Mr. Gardiner said.

“I hope so, sir.”

“I know beyond a doubt,” Elizabeth answered. “She told me how much she loved Cece and how proud she was of her. She considered Cece her daughter.”

Cece wiped her eyes again and Mr. Gardiner’s voice sounded strangely cheerful.

“Let us have another drink for the Countess of Sedgewick! For better or for worse, she brought us all together.”

“For better or for worse depends only on us now. Only on us,” Elizabeth concluded.

“I am sure Lady Sedgewick would be happy to know you are the mistress, Lady Barrington. This is what she wished and prayed for, but never imagined that it would truly happen so soon.”

“Well, considering how Lord Barrington fell down the stairs and died from a mere tumble, one might wonder…” Bingley said, smiling over another glass of wine. He was red-faced, obviously defeated by tiredness and by one too many drinks. The others exchanged glances, some amused, some puzzled by such a statement, then emptied their glasses in honour of the countess.

It was midnight by the time dinner ended and everyone returned to their chambers. Another day—as long as a month—had passed, tumultuous but finally gratifying.

Outside, the storm continued, rain, wind, lightning and thunder shook the darkness. Despite the deafening noise, for the first time in more than three months, Elizabeth fell into a deep and restful sleep, safe from nightmares, memories and reflections.

Her last thought was that indeed Darcy had been right again: port could be very useful at certain times.

Chapter 19

The following day, less than a week after she had become a widow, Lady Barrington moved into the Sedgewick townhouse, together with Sarah and Cece. Bingley and Jane accompanied them to help them settle in. Darcy offered his assistance but discreetly chose to not impose his presence.

Both he and Elizabeth were aware that those brief, yet memorable moments of complete openness and genuine honesty they had shared would not be repeated soon—if ever. Their relationship—although powerful, deep and trusting—was unusual and too tormenting to be so soon examined. In only a few days, they had become as close as two friends could be. The separation would put some distance between them, although Darcy—due to the support and help he had promised Elizabeth—was expected to be around very often.

For the time being, however, he was not there and Elizabeth already felt his loss.

Although it had been her own decision, Elizabeth entered the house with reluctance and a heavy heart.

The housekeeper welcomed them warmly; they were expected, and everything was arranged as Elizabeth had requested. She occupied the master suite—which had been unused for several years. Sarah was offered a chamber near Elizabeth, while Cece returned to her old room.

Sarah, the former maid who had borne the nightmare of the abuse together with Elizabeth, was slowly improving in health, but she struggled to adjust to all the unexpected changes she was exposed to. Born into a family that had faced difficulties every single day and working as a servant from a very young age, she felt unworthy of such comfort. The mistress’s care and the attention she had received in the last week was beyond her imagination. Having her own chamber—large and elegant—aroused new opposition and expressions of gratitude which were eventually calmed by Elizabeth’s kindness.

However, despite her appearance of composure and determination, Lady Barrington felt no less distressed by her new position than Sarah.

Several months ago, the former Miss Bennet would have admired the classy elegance of the house, very likely compared it mockingly with the grandiose Rosings Park and would have hurried to examine the library.

Now, with a fear of strangers and unknown places and with her self-confidence rattled, Elizabeth’s wit and liveliness had vanished. In the solitude of the impressive apartment, panic seized her. She looked around anxiously, and the first thing she unconsciously checked, was if the door could be locked.

She realised she was being silly. She had every reason to be content and at peace. She had overcome obstacles, terror and danger, and had finally regained control over her life. And still, she could not move, nor breathe, only stand frozen with chills running up and down her spine.

She could not remember ever being scared of anything until she married. Yet in only a few months, she had become so accustomed to fear that she could still not escape from it. She had learned to control the sensation while she was in Darcy's house, but it returned suddenly, as strong as before, when she found herself alone again. Alone, although in a house filled with people who were all at her disposal.

Moving from the barely-found comfort and safety of Darcy’s house, to a new and scarcely-known place, brought back fright and panic. Darcy’s presence had been her anchor. His home, her shelter. For a short while, she had felt protected. Now, she had to be alert again. Guarded. Careful. She could trust no stranger, even those who were her employees.

“Lizzy?” she heard Jane’s sweet voice.

“Yes, dear?”

“Lizzy, this house is exquisite! Stunning! I have only seen a small part of it, and yet I keep admiring it like a silly girl. It is as beautiful as Mr. Darcy’s house—though even larger and I would say more intimidating! I cannot believe that it is yours now.”

“Yes, it is beautiful. Jane, would you and Charles consider moving in with me, at least for a few weeks? I realise it would be terribly inconvenient, especially since you are newly married and I have already ruined your peace and comfort. You may choose any rooms you like, so you may have your privacy. And Charles’s house is not very far from here, and Mr. Darcy’s is also near. I would ask our uncle and aunt, but they must accommodate the children and Uncle’s business and...”

Her speech became more and more perturbed and fretful as she tried to persuade Jane. Her sister grasped her arm and interrupted her.