Page 51 of The Mistress of All & Torn

“Oh, forgive me, sir, that was inconsiderate. It is very late and you must be tired. You have wasted yet another day with me. The third day...”

He cautiously sat on the chair, opposite her. “I would never consider spending time with you a waste, Miss Bennet. It is the least I can do to compensate for my guilt.”

“Your guilt? What could you possibly mean, sir?”

“I had a long conversation with Mr. Gardiner and Bingley. We know how this situation occurred. You were alone, with no other way to support your family. We know you traded your safety for your family’s. Bingley blames himself. He said that had he returned to Netherfield last winter, you would not have been forced to make such a sacrifice. But we all know it was my fault. I convinced Bingley to remain in town, I convinced him he had no reason to return to your sister. It was all due to my arrogance and my mistaken pride. If I had allowed Bingley to decide for himself, or if I had not behaved in such an outrageous manner towards you…”

“I behaved outrageously to you, Mr. Darcy. It was my fault entirely—mine alone. My choice and my responsibility, willingly and consciously taken, I still do not regret meeting the Countess of Sedgewick. What I did not know was that Lord Barrington was deceptive and manipulative. This I could not anticipate. Lady Sedgewick warned me that I would have a hard life with him but not for a moment did she—or I—suspect the whole truth.”

“Nobody did, I am sure....”

“However, neither you nor Charles can be blamed for my actions. Or for Lord Barrington’s. It pains me to know you are taking so much upon yourself, after all you have done for me.”

“If only we had known sooner...As my aunt said, Bingley told me that the earl would not allow your family to see you. But many titled men who marry someone from below their circle insist on cutting the relationship with their families. Then, when Bingley showed me your letter, I knew something was wrong. Horribly wrong.”

“When Jane wrote to me, he probably imagined she might apply to the solicitors or trustees to see me. So, with the likely purpose of preventing her from doing so, he demanded I write back. I knew it was the only possible way to alert Jane, my uncle and aunt. My only chance, though not without considerable risk—just like starting the fire.”

Both spoke in low voices, unsettled by their distress, mostly avoiding the other’s eyes. Sitting across the table, they appeared to be two old friends chatting. As improper as the hour and the place were, the interlude helped them both to clear their hearts and minds.

“You must know that even before Bingley received the letter, he and your uncle intended to apply to the trustees. And when we came to confront Barrington we had decided not to leave without you. Even without the fire, we would not have left you there.”

“I was so frightened that Charles and my uncle would insist on seeing me and would put themselves in danger! I expected the worst from Lord Barrington. Then, when I heard your voice and I saw you...I was so astonished and so relieved. As much as I knew I had no right to expect anything from you and did not deserve your help, I was so deeply grateful to have it. I still am and always will be.”

“Let us not speak of gratitude. I only did what my heart and my reason induced me to do. It is all over now.”

“Yes. I still cannot believe that only three days and three nights have passed. It seems longer than a year.”

A short pause followed.

“I hope that Charles and my uncle will find Cece. I pray she is at her property. If not, I cannot even imagine where she might be.”

“Let us hope so. If she owns a house, I am sure she found a way to travel there. We have only one more day to wait. Bingley and Mr. Gardiner will leave at dawn. Two servants and the coachman will accompany them.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“You should sleep now, Lady Barrington...Miss Bennet...And I insist that a little port will help you.”

She forced a smile but suddenly her face hurt. He did not miss her frown of discomfort. His eyes rested upon her and she sensed his gaze searching her wounds. She suddenly pulled her loose hair around her neck.

“Are you in pain?” he whispered.

“Not much. It will go away soon.”

“What can I do?”

“You have done everything. Perhaps pour me a little bit of port?” she replied in jest.

He was surprised but gladly obeyed, handing her the glass. For a heartbeat, their fingers brushed against each other.

“You know, he intended to marry Jane, not me,” she suddenly said. “Nobody knows that. Can you imagine, my sweet Jane being trapped in that nightmare?”

He stared at her in disbelief. She smiled bitterly.

“Yes. He first met Jane and my aunt in Hyde Park. He was in a great hurry to marry and meet Lady Sedgewick’s requirements in a bride before she passed away, so she would change her will in his favour. When Papa’s accident occurred, Jane also fell ill from a bad cold. The doctor insisted she keep to her room for a few days. So Lord Barrington proposed to the only available fool. Me. It served his purpose well enough, as he intended to be a widower soon.”

She looked so troubled that he could barely refrain from embracing her.

“His only moment of honesty was when he proposed to me. He did not even attempt to pretend any partiality. He proposed to me a trade, for the benefit of my family. I knew that his inheritance depended on him meeting Lady Sedgewick’s requirement of marrying properly. I knew the countess had to approve his marriage to sign the documents. The countess knew too. It was simply a business arrangement. My uncle and aunt, Jane, even my father opposed it. They tried to convince me to reconsider but I could see no better way out of the mess that my family was in. After all, many women marry for financial interests.”