Page 165 of The Mistress of All & Torn

“Brave and adventurous? Does he resemble his master? When it comes to loyalty, I know he does, but in the matter of obedience, I would say quite the opposite.” She heard herself teasing him and felt herself blush again. What had come over her?

Obviously surprised by her flirtatious manner, she sensed he was smiling even before returning the look.

“Perhaps,” he reluctantly replied. “But his master has been more thoughtless and imprudent than brave and adventurous.”

“You? I can hardly believe that.”

“And still, it is true. If I were not, perhaps we would not have found ourselves in this situation,” Darcy declared with feeling, much to Elizabeth’s astonishment.

What could he possibly mean?

She tried to hasten her steps to match his pace. The wind grew stronger and the waves increased while dark clouds shadowed the sky. The air cooled, and Elizabeth shivered.

“May I offer you my coat? You seem cold.”

Elizabeth shivered again at the sound of his voice, as she realised how closely and attentively he was watching her. “No, thank you. The breeze is refreshing.”

“As you wish. But I am afraid it might start raining.”

“I fear so, too. If only it would wait a little longer until we reach the cottage.”

“I hope the same, Miss Bennet. As soon as we are close enough, I shall leave you. I have discovered several paths that lead from the beach to the main road.”

“May I suggest that when we reach the house you take the opportunity to dry your clothes and perhaps have a drink? I assure you Philip and Lady Kendal would welcome your visit.”

He was silent for a long moment.

“I thank you. You are very kind and so are Lord Alveston and Lady Kendal. But I must decline. I could not possibly intrude on the family over just a shower of summer rain.”

“You would not be bothering anyone, I assure you,” Elizabeth insisted. “Philip and Lady Kendal talk of you often. All of us much value your friendship.”

“But I cannot,” he replied with unexpected severity. Elizabeth stopped, turning to him, astounded. He turned his eyes towards the sea before he looked back at her.

“I apologise. I did not mean to sound rude. I do appreciate Lady Kendal and Lord Alveston. Under different circumstances, I would be honoured to call them friends. But I cannot. I cannot befriend either you or them. I should not even be near you, but I must be sure that you return home safely.” She shivered again.

“Nothing has changed since we spoke that evening at the ball, Miss Bennet,” he confessed, his voice pained. “No, that is not true. Something has changed, for the worse. It is more painful, more unbearable. Too many feelings torment me to allow me to be a genuine friend to you.”

She listened, her eyes and lips wide open. She repeatedly blinked, fighting the tears that glimmered on her lashes.

“Forgive me. I did not mean… I am grieved,” she whispered. “I should not have… How thoughtless. Selfish! Please, there is no need for you to accompany me. I am begging you! You are too kind but this is not necessary.”

She wiped the tears but could not fight the lump in her throat. She turned away and hurried ahead of him, but he caught her by the arm.

“Miss Bennet, please. Please!” he begged. “I should not have said that. I had no right to say such words, nor to place my burden on you.”

“Why are you apologising to me?” she asked. “You have done nothing wrong!”

“I have committed many wrongs, but I apologise for the distress my words caused you. Please forgive me, Miss Bennet. I will come and greet Lady Kendal and Lord Alveston, if you wish it.”

“I do not wish you to do anything that distresses you. And I can see you have already done so, for me. It is my turn to apologise.”

“Miss Bennet…”

“I once accused you of being selfish and disdainful of the feelings of others, but I was the same towards you. I have been blind, reckless, and unjust. I allowed my vanity to speak before my mind, and I have regretted that every day for more than a year. Once I realised how deeply I had wronged you, I tried to speak to you, but you avoided me. Still, I persisted. During that ball in May and then again and again.”

It started to rain, and she felt blessed that the raindrops concealed her tears.

“Why?” he asked in a hoarse voice. The question, although gentle, struck her. She could not give him an honest answer, nor would her heart allow her to deceive him. “Some of your accusations might have been based on falsehoods, but everything you said about my behaviour was correct. Learning your opinion of me that day at the parsonage pained me more than any physical wound. After weeks of sorrow, I finally understood why you rejected my proposal. I value your character even more for that. There is no need for more explanations on that subject.”