Page 153 of The Mistress of All & Torn

“We shall plan another dinner soon—and I hope everyone in your party will come here,” Lady Kendal added.

“I am sure we shall,” Bingley readily answered. “I must say this end of the beach is simply wonderful. Darcy told me that the wild seashore goes on as far as the eye can see. He was certainly right, and I intend to see for myself. Riding at the edge of the water is quite exciting!”

“I would love to join you, but I cannot,” Jane answered, hand in hand with her husband.

“Do not worry, my love, you will join me next year,” he replied, kissing her hand.

“I shall come by horse at the next opportunity,” Georgiana said excitedly. “I look forward to riding, to feeling the wind and the spray of the sea on my face as my horse gallops in the surf.”

“You speak so enthusiastically that I regret not being more proficient at riding,” Elizabeth said. “I can only imagine how lovely it must be to gallop through the water. Of course, I cannot hope to do that any time soon, as I am not much of a horsewoman. But I might attempt a slow ride one day.”

“I loved to ride,” Lord Alveston confessed. “It is one of the things that I miss the most. And I am truly sorry that I cannot teach you to ride, Elizabeth.”

He brought her hand to his lips, and she stroked his arm, answering tenderly, “We may take a ride along the seashore in the phaeton one of these days. Would you like that?”

The earl kissed her hand again. “Very much. I like anything that I can do with you, my dearest.”

“I never ride,” Anne said. “Mama said it would be too dangerous for me. I would like to but have never dared. I tried to learn last year at Pemberley, but I lacked both the skill and the courage.”

“Lizzy did learn to ride,” Jane interjected. “But we had a rather unruly horse that threw her when she was fourteen. She hurt her leg and her shoulder quite badly, and she has refused to ride ever since. I do not know why, as she is so brave in any other circumstance.”

Elizabeth laughed. “It was not so much the horse’s fault but mine. I was disobedient too and ignored Papa’s instructions. I was hurt but mostly frightened. Mama, Aunt Gardiner, and Jane cried, Papa shouted at the horse, the horse gave a frightened neigh, reared and threw me to the ground. The whole scene is still vivid in my mind, but the cries frightened me more than the fall.”

“I am sure it would all pass if you tried again,” Georgiana encouraged. “My brother taught me to ride when I was very young. I have been riding since I can remember. I have fallen a few times, too, but I was never frightened.”

The mere mention of Darcy warmed Elizabeth’s cheeks. “Georgiana, I have seen you ride a few times, and you have as fine a seat as any gentleman. I must say you are quite intimidating. You seem to excel in everything you do.”

“Oh, you are teasing me, Elizabeth. I am fortunate enough to have the best brother one can hope for, and I was provided with the means and opportunities to study and to improve myself.”

“Your brother seems an admirable gentleman,” Lady Kendal said.

“He is, indeed,” Georgiana answered. “My only regret is that he is always so busy and rarely at home.”

“You must be thrilled that he will marry soon,” her ladyship continued. “He will certainly spend more time with the family after the wedding.”

To their general astonishment, Georgiana replied with a gentle smile, “I am happy to have Anne with me, as I have always wished for a sister.”

“So am I,” Anne de Bourgh said, unexpectedly. “This is the happiest time of my life, and I would wish it to remain just as it is forever.”

“Well, we should be on our way,” Bingley reminded them. “It is already late and Jane must rest. Tomorrow will be another busy day.”

The guests took their leave and finally departed.

In the cottage, the family prepared for dinner, but Elizabeth was not hungry. She did not miss that Georgiana and Anne had attempted to avoid the subject of Darcy’s marriage. Although she struggled to keep her mind away from that matter, she failed. Anything related to Darcy was a reason for more distress, and she could not escape from it.

Chapter 14

After his manservant had finished shaving him, Darcy studied his face in the mirror, brushing his fingers through his hair.

He felt torn between the desire to see Elizabeth again at the dinner and the temptation to avoid another evening of torture and struggle. Avoiding her did not diminish his yearning or passion, but at least he could be open and honest with his thoughts when he was alone. In company, he had to guard his feelings, gestures, looks, and words, as he feared the smallest slip could betray his love for her.

He knew he had to keep his promise to Anne. Although she did not insist, nor did she seem eager to set a date, the engagement could not be prolonged for an indefinite length of time. He was reluctant to bind himself to Anne forever, and he cowardly refused to admit the reason even to himself.

In his recent encounters with Elizabeth, he thought he had sensed some changes in her behaviour, expressions, glances, and smiles. All this could be easily explained by the awkwardness of their past, by the disastrous marriage proposal and their common intelligence of Wickham’s evil schemes. But he hoped it could be more than that. He recollected her insistence in talking to him, her open approval of him and his business knowledge, her friendship with his sister, the change of colour in her face when they met. Could all that signify a change in her opinion and feelings for him?

Until he was certain of how things would progress regarding Elizabeth, until he saw her married to Lord Alveston, he refused to tie himself to Anne for life.

Not for a moment did he wish that something tragic would happen to either Philip Russell or Anne. But he prayed that some miracle would occur and he might one day have a chance with Elizabeth. As small and irrational as that sliver of hope was, as long as it existed it provided an anchor that protected him from drowning. Darcy purposely avoided befriending Lord Alveston, as he could not bear witnessing his evident love for Elizabeth. Bingley had told him that neither the earl nor Lady Kendal would attend the dinner, and he felt selfishly relieved. Seeing Elizabeth and knowing she would soon marry another was hard enough, but watching her with her betrothed was intolerable.