Page 148 of The Mistress of All & Torn

“Elizabeth, my love, where have you been? We thought… I was so frightened!” He kissed her palms while she caressed his face. “I thought I had lost you. Where have you been?”

“Philip, why would you be frightened? I told Marlowe I was going for a walk.”

“But Elizabeth, that was hours ago! You left at seven o’clock and now it is almost noon!” Lady Kendal exclaimed. It was the first time Elizabeth had heard her ladyship raise her voice.

“The servants looked for you, but you were nowhere to be found. And they checked the beach, but there were no footsteps. We thought that an accident had happened. That you had gone into the water and…. I felt so helpless, so useless, waiting here, incapable of searching for you,” Philip mumbled, still kissing Elizabeth’s hands. She was pained by the distress she had caused.

“My dear Philip, please do not say that. I am so grieved, so very grieved. I walked along the shore, through the water, towards the bay. And then I rested, but the fresh air and waves must have lulled me to sleep. It was so foolish of me! I never intended to stay out so long. I cannot apologise enough for the distress I caused you.”

She embraced him, then turned to Lady Kendal. “My apologies, your ladyship,” she said. “At Longbourn, I used to walk alone almost every day. And I have wished to continue that habit, including during my stay in new places. I beg you, do not worry! I am always careful. I would never put myself in danger. I simply enjoy the exercise.”

Her ladyship embraced her. “Mary told us this was your habit, but you were missing for so long, for so many hours… We thought you might have visited your parents, but you would have taken the carriage. Then we received a note from Jane for you and assumed you were not there either. We kept looking but found no trace of you, so we feared the worst sort of accident. We were just discussing how to inform your parents.”

“Oh dear, how thoughtless of me! I am so wretched for causing this much upset to the household,” Elizabeth said. “I promise I shall never cause you such distress again.”

“My dear, we do not want you to feel trapped. Perhaps we inflated the situation more than we should have. Of course you may go wherever you want whenever you please. From now on, we shall be more reasonable.”

“No, no. It was my fault entirely—I should have been more mindful of you,” Elizabeth declared with remorse. The thought that her actions had caused such turmoil made her heart ache.

“It is all over and done with now. I am happy that you are safe. That is all that matters,” Philip said, taking her hand again.

“You should change out of your wet clothes and then eat something. You must be starved after such an adventure,” Lady Kendal declared, attempting to jest. “Walking alone for two or three miles to the bay and back—very few young ladies could do it.”

“Very few ladies are like Elizabeth,” Philip added.

“So wild and disobedient, my mother would say,” Elizabeth said, mocking her own folly. “Now, please forgive me, I will change. I must at least improve my appearance, since my behaviour is so outrageous.”

“My dear, there is a letter from Jane in your chamber. I hope it contains only good news—we have had enough anguish for one day,” Lady Kendal uttered, while Elizabeth hurried towards her room.

∞∞∞

While changing her gown, Elizabeth’s self-reproach did not lessen. Philip’s countenance—his desperate gaze, his paleness, the tremble of his fingers—tormented her. For hours they had suffered because of her absence, and the effect upon him seemed to have been powerful. It was her duty to take care of him, to protect both his body and mind from any disturbance and harm. Her old habits might not be appropriate to her new position and her new responsibilities. Lady Elizabeth Alveston should be more sympathetic, and perhaps Lizzy Bennet’s habits were ill-considered.

“Miss, Lady Kendal said she and Lord Alveston will rest for a little while. She asked you to forgive them. She said they both felt unwell and needed to sleep,” the maid informed her.

Elizabeth frowned. “Are they unwell, Jenny? Should we fetch the doctor?”

“Lady Kendal said nothing of the kind, miss. I believe it is their usual afternoon nap.”

“Did Lord Alveston sea bathe?”

“I do not think so, miss. Lady Kendal said you had not eaten anything. I shall bring your tea immediately.”

“Very well, thank you.”

The maid left and returned shortly with a tray, but Elizabeth asked her to put it on the table, as she had no appetite. She pondered whether she should fetch the doctor but decided against it. Lady Kendal was cautious with her grandson’s health. If it were needed, she would have sent for the physician herself.

Eventually, she sat on the bed, nestled in the pillows, and opened Jane’s letter. It was short, but the few lines increased Elizabeth’s torment.

Dearest Lizzy,

Charles and I have decided to host a dinner the day after tomorrow. It will be a family dinner, and it cannot be without you, Philip, and Lady Kendal. Except for our families, only the Darcy party will attend, and all four of them have accepted the invitation. I have no news from Louisa and Caroline yet, so we are not counting on their presence.

Love,

Jane

Elizabeth put the letter down and closed her eyes. Dinner with Mr Darcy was too much to consider at that moment.