Page 97 of Bitterness of Spirit

“She is…thanks to your timely intervention, she is very well. We all are.”

“I am glad to hear it. I shall leave for Pemberley tomorrow. Anne will join me.”

She looked at him with surprise and worry. What did he mean by that?

“Yes, she and Mrs. Jenkinson will spend the summer with us. Richard will join us later this month.”

“I see…” Her puzzlement and worry continued, but she struggled to remain composed. “It is surprising that Lady Catherine is allowing Miss de Bourgh to go to Pemberley.”

“She had little to say on the matter. Things have changed in the last fortnight.”

“I see,” she repeated. “So you will leave Town tomorrow.”

“Yes…I look forward to returning to Pemberley.”

“I can imagine…”

“We shall be prepared for your arrival next month.” He smiled.

Their conversation moved on with difficulty; the old uneasiness returned, and trust seemed broken. They seemed to be as they were during the first days they met in London. The last weeks seemed to vanish from their acquaintance.

“Miss Bennet…”

“Yes…?”

“There is one rather delicate thing I need dare ask you. I would appreciate your being completely honest with me.” He was embarrassed and hesitant.

Her puzzlement increased. “Have I not always been so?”

“We barely had time to speak after the ball… So many things occurred and were said…”

“Indeed. I wished to speak to you too since many things remain unspoken.”

“True… Bingley wrote to me that you were rather out of spirits lately and that Jane was somewhat worried. And today, I noticed you kept your distance from me. Should I understand you preferred to avoid me? Is my presence unpleasant to you?”

“What do you mean?” she whispered.

“I shall not deny that I have suspected for some time that you…might have showed me more affability than you truly feel. Could it be that Mr. Wilson asked you to do so? Or perhaps you wished to maintain a friendship with me for the sake of your eldest sister. Either way, I am asking with my heart open and a genuine desire to protect you from any further unpleasantness. If my company is a burden to you, I shall save you from it. Depending on your answer, I shall know how to best arrange my future meetings with Bingley in order to give you the comfort you deserve.”

She stared at him in complete shock, the pain so great that it weakened her knees and cut her heart. She hoped she had not heard him correctly. She prayed that it was all a misunderstanding that would soon be clarified. But his dark gaze wore such deep sorrow that she understood how strong his conviction was. There were people all around them, watching and even walking towards them. She had little time to speak.

“You have asked me a question that never should have crossed your mind, and you accuse me of dishonesty. You should know that I have never pretended to possess feelings that were untrue. I can see you are still wounded and your spirit is probably bitter after everything that you discovered recently. But your suspicions are as hurtful as they are unjust. You have misjudged my feelings and behaviour in the past, but never so utterly and completely as you have now.

He seemed to lean forward, nearly losing his balance. His eyes still held hers.

“Miss Bennet. I want nothing but to see you happy. For a while, I hoped your happiness might be related to mine, but I fear I was a fool to hope too much. I am afraid I was mistaken.”

“You are mistaken indeed, Mr. Darcy. And a complete fool. When one has doubts, one should ask and search for proof. You told me something similar a few weeks ago. I trust we shall meet often in the future so you can recognize and admit your foolishness. Good day and have a safe trip home.”

Elizabeth turned and hurried her steps; her feet tried to disobey, but she kept moving them, hoping she could part from him before her tears began to fall.

“Miss Bennet…” she heard him calling her hesitantly. She did not turn, so she missed seeing him take a few steps towards her.

Someone called to her, but she did not respond.

When she finally glanced back, she saw him talking to his friend for a few moments; then he mounted his horse and rode away, followed by his carriage. And he was gone.

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