Page 43 of Bitterness of Spirit

She remained silent, her eyes wide open, her lips half parted. It was Miss Bennet who spoke.

“Mr. Darcy…a lovely surprise indeed.”

***

Elizabeth could not move or breathe. Her eyes met his, and she was unable to even avert her gaze. He looked astonished too—and pale and tired. His features were less severe and his gaze less cold. His eyes were darker but softer than she remembered, containing a warmth she had never seen before. Or, perhaps, it was not greater warmth but less coldness. He appeared uncomfortable, abashed, torn between staying and leaving.

“I am happy to see you,” he finally uttered. “Have you been in Town long? Are you in good health, I hope?”

Strangely, the eldest Miss Bennet was the most composed and animated. “I have been in Town for three months now. My sister and my friend just arrived from Kent a few days ago. And you, sir?”

“I have been in Kent too. I just arrived.” He turned red then white.

“This is a lovely day for walking,” Jane continued.

“Yes,” he admitted. “Have you been in the park long?”

“Not so long…” Jane responded.

“But I am afraid we must return home. It is rather late, and our aunt must be waiting for us. She needs us,” Elizabeth interjected.

She was surprised to hear her own words. Her breathing became heavier, and she did not trust her strength to stay longer. Her heart and head were aching. The sight of him, so close that she could touch his arm, aroused feelings she did not recognize, and a strange sadness enveloped her. She could not endure being so near him and could not wait to see him run from her, so she knew she had to do it first—before he could say or do anything more.

She felt Jane’s surprised glance, but her sister supported her as always. “Yes, we must return. It was just a quick, unplanned stroll to take advantage of this lovely weather. We should leave now. Good day, Mr. Darcy, it was a pleasure meeting you again.”

He desperately wished to stop them, but he did not dare. It was obvious that Elizabeth wished to depart as soon as possible. Her face and distressed eyes told the truth of her loathing to be in his company. Seeing her leave was painful, but having her stay against her wishes was unbearable. He had no right to increase her turmoil. So he bowed silently and remained still, gazing after them for a long while until they disappeared around a corner.

He had been right, after all: she was there, in the park, as his heart had told him. But she had left the moment she saw him, just as his mind warned him would happen.

***

On their way back home, Elizabeth’s steps quickened until her companions had to run to keep up the pace. She entered the house quickly; Mr. Wilson, who had also just returned, was in the hall. She did not respond to his greetings and ran upstairs, followed by Jane. She removed her bonnet and gloves and threw herself on the bed, starting to sob irrationally, shocking both Jane and herself.

In the main hall, the master of the house observed the young ladies’ retreat, puzzled and worried. Maria Lucas remained disconcerted, looking at the gentleman, embarrassed and uneasy. She had never been alone with him.

“Is Miss Elizabeth well? She looked very ill. She looked like she was crying. Did something happen? Is she hurt?” Mr. Wilson asked Maria.

“Oh no, she is not hurt. But I think she is upset. She practically ran from the park. She is upset, I think, because we met Mr. Darcy. She is always upset and distressed when she meets him,” Maria responded readily, happy that she knew the answer.

“Mr. Darcy? In the park? But why would this upset Miss Elizabeth? Did he offend her? What happened?”

“Well, he did not say anything this time, but perhaps she was still angry with him from Kent.”

“From Kent?” Mr. Wilson’s concern increased, but Maria missed it.

“Come, let us go into the drawing room,” he politely offered, and the young girl felt flattered. “So, you said something about Kent? Did anything occur between Miss Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy?”

“Yes…at Hunsford…at my sister’s house. One day I was at home, as I felt sick. And Lizzy was home too. I was in my room, and suddenly I heard raised voices, and when I went to see what was happening, Lizzy was downstairs with Mr. Darcy. They seemed to be arguing violently, and she was crying, and he looked quite scary and angry. I thought he had hurt her, but Lizzy said it was fine and that they had a strong disagreement. But it was strange—why would Mr. Darcy visit Lizzy alone? He knew my sister and Mr. Collins were at Rosings. Oh dear, I forgot! It was supposed to be a secret; Lizzy made me promise I would tell no one! Oh, she will be mad at me,” Maria said, quickly moving from excitement to distress.

“Do not worry, Miss Lucas. This secret will remain between us; I give you my word. It is good that you told me, but let us not tell anyone else, shall we?”

“Yes, I promise. I mean—I shall be more careful in the future. I…please do not tell Lizzy, or she will be upset with me…”

“I assure you there is no reason to doubt my secrecy. Now, shall we prepare for dinner? It should be ready soon,” the gentleman said kindly, and Maria hurried to her chamber, still fearful that she had done something wrong.

***

Elizabeth struggled to remain composed during dinner. She wished it to be over and was annoyed by the lengthy conversations. She spoke little, even to Jane. She knew her behaviour was outrageous, and she could not comprehend the reason. She was shocked to see Darcy, but not in an unpleasant way. She would have liked to speak to him. She wished to let him know she regretted her misjudgement and that she understood his explanations. Instead, she ran away.