Page 106 of Bitterness of Spirit

There was not a single breeze to cool the air. She wondered what the future Mrs. Darcy would do on such hot summer nights. Would she walk with her husband, arm in arm? Would he hold her hand in his and caress her fingers? Or would they just stay inside, lying in bed? She wondered about the appearance of his apartment and its distance from her room.

She became strangely hot and feared she might be feverish. The large chamber became too small, and the walls seemed too close. Outside, there was not a single soul. Somewhere far away, the sound of horses and dogs could be heard, but around the house, all was still and quiet. No one was awake in the middle of the night—except her.

Restless, and struggling with the all the unknown emotions that overwhelmed her, Elizabeth quickly put on her robe. She needed more air—more space.

Slowly and carefully, she left her room and closed the door silently. She did not wish to disturb anyone. Her behaviour was odd, she realised that; and to a staff accustomed to nothing but decorum and proper manners, it might appear even worse. But her steps propelled her. Few candles burned downstairs, but they provided enough light for her to find her way out.

A sense of freedom and calm enveloped her as soon as she was outside. She hurried to the lake. There still was no breeze, no movement—only a few distant sounds.

She glanced back and easily spotted the balcony of her bedchamber. She had left a candle burning, but it would soon extinguish itself. Several torches were burning on the walls, but the light came mostly from the stars mirrored in the water. The moon, near the horizon, showed only half its face, but it was enough to complete a stunning picture of the summer night.

Elizabeth walked along the edge of the water. All was still. She took off her shoes and stepped barefoot through the silky grass. The touch was as soft as she imagined a caress would be—a caress brushing her skin that she never truly felt until then. She only remembered her gloved hand held by Darcy when they danced and her fingers touching his on a few occasions.

She shivered although the heat made her sweat. At the edge of the lake, the water was high enough that she could touch it. She sat down at the edge, watching its still surface. Then she slowly lowered her legs, and a sweet chill relieved her feet. She sighed and sank her legs even deeper. The water passed over her knees, wetting her gown.

The feeling of coldness against the warmth of the air was exquisite. She lay back on the grass, her feet still in the water, stretching her arms over her head. Her loose hair spread around her head while her eyes were lost among the stars. Then she closed them, seeing nothing so she could feel more.

It was her first time at Pemberley—her first day and night. She had waited so long for that moment since he had first invited her to visit. And once she was there, her strongest wish was never to leave again. But she knew she had to—and soon.

She was there, but he was not, and there was no chance or hope for her to stay more than a few days. Was Pemberley different with him present?

Her mind, her heart, and even her body could sense him. Strangely, she perceived his scent, heard his steps, and even caught the sound of his whispered voice in a dream that enfolded her even though she seemed to be fully awake. She only startled when a tender touch seemed to burn her arm through the fabric of her nightgown.

“Miss Bennet?!”

She moved to stand, her feet slipping deeper into the water. He caught her, and his strong hands held her safely until her chaotic moves made her fall backwards, pulling him with her. For a moment, she lay on the ground, almost crushed by his body. She tried to breathe and looked up to meet his eyes, brighter than the stars. His scent was intoxicating.

Darcy quickly jumped to his feet and brushed his clothes. Only then did she notice he was clad only in trousers and a partially buttoned shirt—and was all wet.

She tried to stand, dumbfounded, looking around in complete disbelief and unable to separate the reality from her imagination.

She felt water dripping from her nightdress and tried to arrange her hair. Then she pulled her robe—also wet—around her. She knew her appearance was scandalous and she should run away; yet, the desire to stay froze her.

Only a few moments had passed since his appearance, but time seemed to stand still.

“Mr. Darcy?!”

He was as surprised as she was. If she did not expect to see him return, apparently he did not expect to find her there either. She struggled to speak, waiting for a word from him.

His handsome face, surrounded by hair curled in disorder, frowned. “I just arrived from Town…I left my horse at the stable. My valet took my luggage…I just arrived from London, and I did not expect to find you here…this is…why are you…? I did not imagine I would find you here…are you alone?”

The shame and disappointment she felt put a lump in her throat and moistened her eyes. “I am not alone. I came with Jane and Charles, and my uncle and aunt. I was told you were informed of our visit; I did not know you were not aware of my presence. And the colonel and Miss Darcy insisted we stay the night…I did not expect to see you tonight; I was told your return was uncertain. Please forgive the intrusion. I shall leave tomorrow morning.”

Elizabeth turned and left in a rush, praying that her strength did not fail her before she reached the house. His house. She was still barefoot, briefly wondering where she had let her shoes.

She heard his steps following her, and he was soon at her side. “Miss Bennet, I beg you. Do not leave because of my presence. I was surprised to find you outside in the middle of the night. Please forgive my appearance. I shall go and change immediately. What do you mean I was not aware of your presence? That is the main reason I returned so hastily. I wished to speak to you.”

She stopped to stare at him. She narrowed her eyes to stem her tears and breathed deeply, folding her arms over her chest.

“Very well, sir. Please say what you must if it cannot wait until tomorrow.”

“It can…but will I find you tomorrow? Will you still be here?”

His husky voice quavered, and her eyes widened in surprise.

“I shall be at the inn in Lambton; it would be more comfortable for both of us.”

“Perhaps for you; and if so, I shall not insist otherwise. But for me, my comfort means having you near.”