Page 123 of Masters of Control

“Yes, please.” The caffeine was necessary, and he didn’t like coffee, almost sacrilege for a lawyer. Sure, he’d drink it if that was the only way to get the caffeine he needed, but he preferred just about any other drink.

“So, you and Mistress Camille?” Shane flashed him a grin when Freddy laughed.

The bartender always had his finger firmly on the pulse of club gossip since a lot of the members liked to frequent the bar. Some of them outright talked to him about what was going on and others just forgot to speak quietly enough to keep their business to themselves. It didn’t surprise Freddy that Shane knew what was going on.

“Sort of. We’re working opposite each other in a rather contentious divorce, but as soon as that’s over…” He let his voice trail off suggestively.

“That’s great.” Shane’s smile brightened. “I’m really happy for you man.”

Simple words, but they made Freddy preen. There was just something about the way Shane said them that reeked of those Dom vibes Freddy sensed. It was also acknowledgement that Shane thought they’d be good together, and he valued the other man’s opinion.

“Thanks. I’ll be really happy for me, too, once it can actually happen.”

That made Shane chuckle. Then he looked up, past Freddy, and his expression flickered. Freddy twisted in his seat to see what—or who—he was looking at.

Zach, another member of Stronghold and Marquis, was stomping toward the bar with a scowl. His dark eyes lifted to meet Freddy’s gaze, and he faltered, some of the storm in his expression clearing and leaving behind what looked like sadness.

Uh oh.

That didn’t look good, and Freddy had a suspicion about why. Zach was one of the more complicated members of the club. He came to the Stronghold Doms class with a friend, now very much an ex-friend, who hadn’t known much about kink to begin with. While he’d been trained as a Dom, identified as a Dom, and also identified as straight, the relationship he’d ended up falling into was with Kincaid—another Dom and a man.

They were a really great couple, but there were some cracks in the relationship. For one, Zach was a sadist and had a need to top, neither need being something that Kincaid could help him fulfill. So, sometimes Zach scened platonically with submissives. Kincaid sometimes joined him for those and met his needs that way. The difficulty with that was his favorite partner seemed to be a woman named Amy, who was engaged to someone else. Theoretically that would make her the perfect platonic partner, but from some of the looks Freddy had seen Zach give her, he wasn’t sure Zach’s feelings were entirely platonic.

Add to the fact that Zach wasn’t ‘out’ outside of the club, and things got even more difficult. Kincaid had stayed in Maryland for the holidays while Zach went to visit his family on his own. They didn’t know he had a boyfriend, even though he and Kincaid had been together since the prior Christmas—though they’d been very new at that point and the separate holiday hadn’t been an issue.

“Oh, hey,” Zach said, giving Freddy a wan smile. He didn’t look like himself today. Rather than being neatly shaved and combed, his facial hair was looking scraggly and rough, and when he unzipped his coat, Freddy could see a stain on the shirt he was wearing.

He’d never seen Zach anything less than perfectly turned out.

“Hey, how ya doing?” Freddy asked cautiously. He and Zach weren’t particularly close, though they did talk sometimes. Zach had come to him a few times for advice about bottoming, specifically about being a bottom to another man.

“I’ve had better days.” Zach sighed heavily and took the barstool next to Freddy, scanning the bottles behind the bar before he focused on the beer taps. “Something on tap, please, Shane.”

Nodding, Shane moved to grab a glass.

“Everything okay with you and Kincaid?”

“Not really.” Zach sighed, scrubbing his hand across his face and through his dark hair. He glanced down at his shirt and made a face. Presumably, he’d just noticed the stain but seemed to shake it off rather than get upset, which meant he had other things more important to be upset about. “He’s not issuing any ultimatums, but I feel like they’re coming. He’s tired of being in the closet with me, and I can’t blame him, but I’m not sure I’m ready to come out yet.”

Wow, okay, so they were getting right into it. Freddy made an encouraging noise, not sure what to say. It seemed as if Zach needed to vent more than a real immediate response.

“He’s been patient. He’s been more than patient, but… fuck. I don’t know. We’ve been together for a year, but I’m still not sure this is what I want for the rest of my life, you know? And why throw my family into turmoil when next year I might be in a regular relationship with a woman?”

Freddy winced.

“Did you tell Kincaid that you feel like your relationship isn’t regular?”

“What? No, fuck… I didn’t mean it like that…” Zach groaned and banged his head on the bar in front of him, not lifting it until Shane silently slid his beer glass to him. “Except I guess I kind of did or else I wouldn’t have said it, right?”

“It’s okay to struggle. Society has convinced us that heterosexuality is ‘regular.’ White people are ‘regular.’ Men in charge is ‘regular.’ That’s how we’re conditioned.”

“Yeah, but I like to think of myself as evolved.” Making a face, he picked up the beer and took a sip rather than chugging it like Freddy had half-expected. “I guess I haven’t evolved as much as I like to think.”

“We’re all works in progress.” Freddy patted his shoulder sympathetically. “As long as you’re doing the best you can and recognizing where you can improve, that’s all you can do.”

“Well, that makes me feel a little better.” Zach’s smile was half-hearted. “But seriously, if that’s how my brain is wired, how is there any hope for Kincaid and me? And do I want to spend the rest of my life getting some of my needs met by scening with people I’m not in a relationship with? He says it’s fine, but I feel like I’m cheating.”

Poor Zach. He didn’t say it outright, but it was clear he’d been raised with certain ideas of how his life was supposed to go, what it was supposed to look like, and right now, he was struggling with reality versus the dream. Freddy understood. He’d been raised much the same way, though his parents had been one hundred percent accepting when he’d come out as bisexual. That made things a lot easier, even if they’d been a little confused about what it entailed and had asked a lot of uncomfortable questions.