Page 19 of Dark Savior

“Callan?” Carter asked quietly. I shook my head at him before pouring another shot, my hand shaking so badly, more of it splashed onto the table than made it into the glass. I slammed the bottle down, blowing out a shaky breath. “Callan,” Carter called, his voice firmer this time.

I looked up at him, knowing my eyes were bleak and empty. “Talk to me, brother,” he pleaded.

I shook my head, a cruel, humorless laugh spilling past my lips. I pushed back off the bar, my hands trembling at my sides.

“She would’ve made a fucking fantastic mom,” I rasped. Then, I grabbed the bottle and tipped it up, swallowing three mouthfuls of the bitter, cheap vodka.

10

Callan

Rachel was awake but groggy when I walked into her hospital room the next morning. She frowned at the sight of me, blinking in confusion. “Callan?” she croaked. “You got… old.”

I paused mid-step, my hand tightening around the vending machine coffee in my hand, threatening to make the cup crumple. I glanced over at Brittany, who was sitting beside her bed. Brittany stood to her feet as Rachel’s eyes slowly shut again, her lips softly parting, her meds taking her back under just that easily.

“What the fuck is going on?” I growled, my heart in my throat. Everything hurt. This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t have forgotten me and what we shared, could she? I wasn’t sure if I could cope with this on top of everything else—everything she’d been through, what we’d lost. “The fuck did she mean I got old?”

Brittany placed her hand on my arm and led me back out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind us once we were in the hallway. Turning to face me, Brittany blew out a soft breath. “Her memory is spotty.” I clenched my jaw, my teeth audibly grinding together. Pain sliced through my chest as if someone had stabbed me. “She likely doesn’t remember coming home. We haven’t really determined that yet, though the doctor is optimistic that her memories will return over time. We just have to wait⁠—”

“How much time?” I demanded. Fuck, I felt like throwing up. How was I losing so much in such a little amount of time? Rachel and I had lost a baby. I’d lost my goddamn peace of mind with her being attacked and put in the hospital. And now—now I was losing this, too? The progress I’d made with her? My fucking woman? The only person in this world I truly loved?

Unable to even stomach the thought of it, I tossed my full coffee into the nearest trashcan before thrusting my hand through my hair and pacing away from Brittany. Then, I spun on the ball of my foot and headed back in her direction. I couldn’t leave Rachel, not even when she couldn’t remember who I was to her now. I needed to be close to her, and I’d take anything she’d give me.

“I’ve got it from here,” I told Brittany. She opened her mouth, but I shook my head. “Tell your husband I’m not leaving her side—at least not until her memories return. I don’t give a fuck how long that may take,” I warned her when her lips tightened into a thin line. “This club failed her. You realize that, right? It wasn’t just me. This falls on the fucking club, too. We failed to protect her,” I snarled.

Brittany’s face paled a little at the accusation, but I was right. None of us had done enough, and that was something we all had to contend with.

“Callan—”

I cut her off by walking back into Rachel’s room and shutting the door behind me, not wanting to hear another word. I didn’t give a fuck what she had to say. I’d taken a vow to always put this club first, but not any longer. Not now. Not when Rachel had almost died.

We’d lost so much. We couldn’t lose each other, too.

I sank into the chair beside her hospital bed and leaned forward, bracing my elbows on my knees before dropping my face into my hands.

I had to fix this. Some-fucking-how. Even if it meant taking out every man in the Souls of Grim MC. Someone would pay for all of this heartache. Someone would pay for touching my woman. For putting a mark on her back and daring to try to take her from me.

A sudden scream had me jerking out of my chair, my gun in my hand a split second later. Rachel jerked upright, a moan of pain sliding from her lips as she sobbed, her chest heaving. Sweat clung to her skin, and her hands trembled as she tried flinging the blankets off her body. Her elbow was bleeding, the IV line now resting on the floor beside her bed.

I quickly shoved my gun back into its holster. “Kitten,” I soothed, grasping her face in my hands. Tears and snot clung to her face, but I didn’t care. I brushed her tears away with my thumbs as the door to her hospital room flung open, nurses and a doctor rushing inside. I moved my body, blocking them from her view so she only focused on me. Having a bunch of strangers surrounding her wasn’t going to calm her down. It would only make shit worse. “Breathe. You hear me? Breathe. You’re safe.”

Her breath hitched with her next inhale, her watery, shimmering eyes locked on mine. “C-Callan?” she croaked, her shaking fingers wrapping around my wrists.

I offered her a small smile. I wasn’t sure if it reached my eyes though. “Yeah, kitten. It’s me.”

She leaned forward then, her forehead dropping to my chest. Her hands dropped from my wrists as I slid my hands around to gingerly cup the back of her head, but she clutched my cut instead. My heart clenched in my chest. I wasn’t sure if she remembered what we were now to each other, but fuck, just knowing she knew she still sought comfort from me, leaned on me in her time of need, eased some of the tightness in my limbs.

“You okay?” I softly asked her, eyeing the nurses and doctor distrustfully. The doctor sent all but one away with a flick of his hand, understanding lingering in his gaze. I looked back down at the beautiful woman in my arms.

“Nightmare,” she croaked.

I stroked my hand down her blonde strands. “Wanna tell me about it?”

I heard her swallow, and her hands tightened on my cut, tugging me a little closer to her. Blood was dripping down her arm, but she and I both ignored it. And when the nurse made a gesture to it, I cut her a dark look. Rachel needed to be calm first before I allowed anyone near her.

“I think you know,” she rasped.

Fuck.