Page 35 of Trapped By the Exiled Bastard

Keir froze.

Elin swallowed, closed her eyes, and continued to speak. “It’s me fault. I… when I went tae me village, when ye waited at Aberholme, I went back tae me old home. And I met him there. We talked. He asked me to come with him, and I—”

The world spun around Keir and a pounding headache formed between his eyes. He interrupted her sharply. “How could ye hide this from me?”

She flinched back as though she had been struck. “I didnae tell ye because I didnae want ye tae ken I’d been around him. I didnae want ye tae think I still cared. I thought it best…” She trailed off.

Keir’s stomach clenched with nausea. He stood, staring down at the woman kneeling by the lochside, this woman he had been foolish enough to trust. “Ye thought it best tae lie tae me? That I didnae ken ye would seek him out one last time?”

Elin stared up at him, alarm written all over her face. But Keir had seen that expression before. He’d seen it from young women who had ‘thought it best’ that they catch the attention of his older, stronger brother. He’d seen it from his father, who ‘thought it best’ that Keir didn’t attend some of the same lessons as Theon in order to prevent controversy. He’d even seen it from the servants, who’d whisper behind their hands that the bastard boy and the master’s mistress were allowed a seat at the table and act contrite only when they got caught.

“So ye didnae want me tae ken ye still cared,” he repeated, pacing back and forth, biting ants beneath his skin.

“I didnae say—”

“Ye wanted me tae be unwise tae ye findin’ out if ye still had his favor, is that it? Ye didnae want me tae object tae yer final chance.” Keir clenched his fists, his heart contracting. It must be true. Of course it was true. How could he have been so stupid as to believe it was anything else? What would she want with the likes of him?

Elin scrambled to her feet. “Nay! Nay, that isnae it. I’m tired of spendin’ me life as the lass clingin’ to the favor of rich men. I told him I kent about his marriage, and then I came tae ye. I chose ye, Keir. Dinnae ye understand?”

Part of him screamed with hope, but he shut it down. He’d learned long, long ago what that kind of hope did if he allowed it to flourish. His heart, his head, everything twisted. “I understand,” he said stiffly. “I understand that ye confirmed he’s tae be wed and then ye came back tae me. I cannae fault ye for it, nae really. Men like me were born tae never be anythin’ more than the second choice.”

She grabbed for his hand, but he pulled it away. “Keir—”

“Men like me are mistakes, far below what women like ye need. I understand that. I just thought…” He swallowed, and suddenly the anger died within him, leaving only pain and regret. He turned his back. “It doesnae matter what I thought. Go back tae yer future laird, Elin. I’ve spent me life livin’ in the shadow of another man, and I willnae continue it in the shadow of yet another. I should have kent a bastard would never be good enough for a woman made of ambition.”

She gasped as though she’d been winded. “All I ever wanted was tae be free,” she whispered in a tiny voice. “Keir, please. Look at me. Let me explain.”

But he didn’t turn around. He knew the truth, and he didn’t have time to waste begging to be loved.

His brother and sister-in-law were missing, Noah was probably dead, and Graeme might need him. It was time to put an end to this charade once and for all.

“I dinnae want yer explanations. Ye want freedom? Ye’re free now. Eamon is waiting. Goodbye.”

And with those words he marched off back into the woods, leaving the loch, the sky, and Elin far behind him. He squared his shoulders, resolving that it was better this way.

After all, a bastard had no need of a heart.

So what did it matter if his was broken?

17

Morning passed before Elin had the strength to move away from the lake’s edge.

The sun was at its midpoint before she could make her feet move, one after another, toward the woods where Keir had disappeared. She needed to find somewhere, anywhere, to collect herself before she worked out a way home, and if she did not go forward, she would eventually go back—back into the inviting loch, disappearing into the coolness of its waters forever.

But where was home? She’d thought she’d found it at last, but now that was gone too. The camp of the Broken Blades, her camp, was nothing but smoke and ash, and it was her fault.

Her face was already wet with tears, but fresh ones fell as she pushed through the treeline and into the lonely woods. Where had Keir gone? She feared for him more than for herself. What if Eamon found him in the woods? She couldn’t even bring herself to picture the horror of that scene. She knew that if she found Keir, he’d reject her, push her away. Perhaps he’d be right to. But she decided she must look for him anyway, to see his face one last time. Not to convince him that she deserved forgiveness or explain that he had always been the one she’d choose, it was too late for that. But just to know that, even if her life was over, he was safe. Right now, nothing else mattered.

Elin looked around for the hints that Keir had pointed out to her. Broken branches where footsteps had fallen on them. Flattened grass and flowers that had been trodden underfoot. Now and again, thanks to the wet weather that had been gracing them on and off, she even found flat footprints in the soil. She followed all these signs, because although she had the feeling she wasn’t necessarily doing it correctly, it didn’t matter.

It was all she had that might help her through these woods.

She didn’t know how long she’d twisted and turned, but soon she was utterly lost. It didn’t matter. Her determination pushed her on, following each and every trail she crossed, even after she was sure that some must cross over others. Someone, maybe even multiple someones, had come in this direction, and recently too.

Maybe if she could find help, it would give her a place to start. Her legs hurt, her belly rumbled, and her throat itched with thirst, but she pushed on because she could not give up now. If she did, it would truly be over.

Her legs were just about to give out when the smell of smoke reached her nostrils, the sound of screams accompanying in a grisly harmony. Suddenly alert, her tiredness and fear forgotten, Elin rushed in that direction. The air grew acrid, and she coughed as she pushed through the thickets and branches to reach the edge of the woods and burst out at the edge of a village aflame.