Page 19 of A Laird and a Healer

Ryan pulled the new shirt over his head. It was crisp and clean. He ran his hands through his hair and stretched his muscles, resuming the earlier matters of the night. He poured wine into a glass and then relaxed in his chair. He took a deep draft of wine, feeling the liquid swim over his tongue and roll down his throat. The taste was rich and hearty, and it quenched the thirst that had risen in battle. He smacked his lips together, catching the remnants of wine that lingered upon them, and he became deep in thought. He stared into space, his mind turning back to that moment when Caroline had saved him.

Why?

The question caused a dull ache in his mind. He could not fathom what had caused her to do such a thing. She could have been free, as she wanted. She could have struck a blow against one of her clan’s enemies, a quite mortal blow as well, for without Ryan what would have become of the Knox Clan?

He ruled everything with such an iron fist that everything depended on him. He had an interest in every aspect of the clan and had never quite mastered the art of delegation, so if he fell, then everything would crumble with him. Ryan had been aware of this problem for a number of years, yet had not found a suitable way to address the conundrum. Nobody had proven themselves worthy of succeeding him, and he wasn’t entirely sure how to groom an heir anyway.

The more he reflected on it, the more he realized how close he had come to dooming his clan. In this way, he was not unlike Caroline. It was a sobering thought and once again reminded him how precarious life could be.

There were some areas in which he wished he had received a better education, such as courting. Love and marriage had never been much of a consideration for him because Alec, his brother, was the natural heir and the one who needed to marry. Alec had always been a little envious of Ryan for the freedom he enjoyed. At the time, Ryan had not appreciated it fully.

Only now, when he was constrained by his duty, did he understand the nuances of ruling. It was a privileged position indeed, and he was honored to be respected and have such authority over his clan, but it took its toll. It took pieces of his soul, and he wasn’t sure there was any way to get them back. He couldn’t simply leave whenever he wanted because he was the bedrock upon which the clan was founded.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, interrupting him from his thoughts. He scowled, thinking it to be a servant who had forgotten how much he valued his solitude.

“What?” he barked gruffly.

The door creaked open. Standing there was Caroline, absent of her shawl. Her dress flowed down her body. It still bore the marks of her daring escape, smudged and stained. Somehow, this only added to her allure. The light touched her pale skin. It glinted in her eyes. As she entered the room, she seemed to glide more than walk.

Ryan wasn’t sure he had ever seen anyone more graceful. While he was sitting, and she was standing, their heights were reversed, and he was forced to look up to her. Again she puzzled him.

“Are ye here tae ask for yer release once again? Because ye know I cannae allow it,” Ryan snarled.

Caroline took a moment. She tilted her head to the side and clasped her hands in front of her stomach.

“Actually nae. I came tae thank ye for helping us. Ye remained true tae yer word and even though I am nae entirely happy about the situation, I believe in good manner sae… Thank ye,” she punctuated her words with a small smile.

Ryan leaned forward a little and stared at her, confused by the expression. He drank in every detail of her lips.

Then, he raised a finger and wagged it in the air. “I know what ye are thinking. Ye believe that I owe ye for saving my life, and that tae pay the debt I will release ye. But we made a deal, Caroline, and ye cannae step away from it,” he said this with some measure of satisfaction as he believed that he had revealed her plan. Caroline opened her palms and dipped her head.

“I understand. And I dinnae come here with such nefarious intentions. If we are tae be married, then we are gaeing tae hae tae learn tae be civil, I suppose. My sisters would hae died taenight if ye hae nae been there. They mean more tae me than anything, and sae I thank ye for saving them from harm.”

Ryan inhaled deeply and stroked his chin. Were her words sincere, or was this some kind of strange game she was playing?

“Why did ye save me?” he asked, striking a direct thrust.

Caroline moved further into the room, closer to the candle. She stared at the flame as she answered. Her fingers rested upon the table, and they inched towards the candle. For a moment, he believed she was going to touch the flame, but she stopped just short.

“Because it was the right thing tae dae. Life is priceless. I could nae stand by and see someone stabbed sae cruelly.”

Ryan frowned. This answer wasn’t what he had been expecting. He didn’t believe that people could be so pure. Surely, she wanted to get something out of this?

“Even if I cannae grant yer freedom, I should still repay ye for saving my life. I am nae sae hard-hearted tae deny ye a reward.”

“I seek nae reward.” Caroline turned to him and shook her head once. “I believe that good deeds should be performed for their own sake, nae with the intention of being rewarded.”

Ryan stared at her as though she were speaking a different language. This certainly wasn’t the kind of behavior he had expected from a Gilmour. He had his own code of honor as well; one that dictated he should not be in debt to anyone. Perhaps this was her way of trying to manipulate the situation so that she had this to hold over him. He wasn’t going to let it be so. He opened a small drawer of his desk.

“I cannae allow the matter tae gae unresolved. I am gaeing tae reward ye, and ye can either accept the gift or deny it, but either way the reward hae still be given,” he announced.

Caroline’s lips parted, and he assumed she was going to make a protest against the reward again, but before a word could be uttered by her lips, she saw what he was rewarding her with. It was her clan’s emblem.

He placed it before her and despite hating what it represented, he couldn’t help but be moved by the way she reacted. She held it as gently as a wounded bird, and tears glistened in her eyes. Without saying anything, she inclined her head in thanks.

“My honor would nae allow me tae let this gae without rewarding ye.”

“And my honor would nae allow me tae ask for a reward. But thank ye all the same,” she offered.