Page 33 of A Laird and a Fugitive

Chapter 13

Ryan did not come to her that night. She was left in torment, anticipating the arrival that never came. Every noise that sounded outside the door seemed to be a harbinger. Her body tensed, and it took a long time to relax afterwards. She breathed deeply, falling in and out of sleep as though she were rolling between waves.

Ryan dominated her thoughts, just as he dominated this land. He was the Laird in every respect, including over her. She wished it wasn’t so, but the more effort she put into pushing these thoughts away, the more insistent he seemed. Her heart skipped a beat when she thought about the way he handled her so easily, pressing her up against the wall, leaving her no room to escape. The remembered scent of his breath swirled in her mind like potent wine, and the growl of his voice echoed in her ear.

Sometimes she awoke and the dream was so vibrant that she believed he was really with her in bed, his hand pressed against the small of her back, this time with no fabric separating them. She was breathless and undone, and entirely ashamed of feeling this way. Was what he said true? Would her own desires betray her?

She hated him with every fiber of her being, and yet he was her husband and she had saved his life. The feelings warred in her mind, and the conflict was as great a war as any the world had ever seen.

When morning arrived, she left her room and demanded to see her sisters. Nessa and Tara were given better accommodation. Ryan had stayed true to his word. They even had the luxury of a window, something that Caroline herself did not enjoy. She breathed with relief to see the remnants of a hearty breakfast on a tray. Nessa and Tara, although tired, still looked in good health. They embraced tenderly.

“What did ye say tae him tae make him release us?” Tara asked.

“I fear she dinnae hae tae say anything,” Nessa spoke with more of a guarded feeling. There was a darkness to her eyes. She knew too much of the world to be naive.

“I dinnae hae tae dae anything like that.”

“But would ye? Caroline, we need tae know how this is gaeing tae play out. Ye are seeing more and more of him. What are yer feelings taewards him? I hate that ye hae tae gae through this for us,” Nessa said.

Caroline paused before she answered. She allowed her head to drop.

“In truth, I’m nae sure I know my own feelings any longer. I hate him, and yet… there is something about him that sets me on edge. I cannae think straight around him. He is a brute, but he is my husband as well, and I dinnae know if I’m strong enough tae hold out for the rest of my life. Is there a limit tae my resolve?” her voice was imbued by a helpless tone.

“Ye never should hae put yerself in this position in the first place. What were ye thinking? We could hae survived if ye hae refused. We escaped once, we could dae sae again. The only reason why we hae nae climbled out that window is because we cannae leave ye behind,” Nessa claimed.

Tara wore a look of shame. Caroline felt panic surge within.

“Dinnae dae that. If ye escape again, he will show ye nae mercy and ye will never be allowed any freedoms. I am working tae help ye. It may take some time, but the more I give of myself, the more liberty he will show ye.”

Tara whimpered. “We dinnae want ye tae sacrifice yerself for our sake.”

“It’s my decision. I led ye out here, and I must suffer the consequences. But all is nae lost. I crept intae his study and read a letter from Laird MacLeod. He refuses tae ally with the Knox Clan. I believe that if we can find a way tae him, we might be given refuge. But there’s something else… Ryan believes that our uncle poisoned Da,” Caroline shared the news.

She had debated whether to tell her sisters this or not, but decided she shouldn’t control what information they knew. Nessa drew back, her face fixed in a thoughtful look, while Tara put her hand to her mouth.

“Surely nae?” Tara gasped.

“There are few things I would put past Uncle, but this? It seems beyond the pale, even for him,” Nessa mused.

“And yet Da did die suddenly. The sickness came on him with nae warning,” Caroline insisted. “I am nae sure whether tae believe it. After all, Ryan believes that I am a spy. He sees conspiracies everywhere. But I can’t help wondering what if…” she trailed away, her face lined with fear.

“If this is true, then we should be thankful tae ye for taking us away from home. Naething good awaits us there. And it means our clan is in the hands of a usurper.”

A shadow fell across Nessa’s face as she spoke. “Are we never tae gae home?” the word came out as a soft moan.

Caroline’s face was fixed with determination. “On the contrary, we shall return home, even if the clan will nae be the same. Ryan will nae accept an alliance, but in a way our goals are aligned. We both want tae remove the Laird. He wants an heir. I believe the only path forward is tae give him one. I hope tae hae a son one day, Knox by name, but Gilmour by nature. I will dote on him and nurture him, and teach him all about our history. Ryan may want tae take control of our clan, but he cannae turn the name tae ash. I will teach my son tae be proud of his grandda and all his ancestors, and when he is old enough he will revive the name and the Gilmour Clan shall live on,” Caroline’s voice trembled with triumphant pride.

She glowed with glory and destiny, feeling much better for having decided upon a plan. It was not a perfect plan, but she hoped that a bond she shared with a son would override anything else. Ryan could control many things, but not that, never that.

“Aye, it’s a wise plan, sister, but it requires ye tae lie with him. Is it worth debasing yerself for that? Or dae ye secretly want tae give yerself tae him?” Nessa asked.

“Nessa! Ye cannae say something like that!” Tara protested. She took Caroline’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “All ye hae done is complain. Dae ye think this is easy for her? I dinnae know how ye would act in the same situation. Caroline is daeing all she can tae keep us safe and tae think of the future. We should support her because whatever we are gaeing through, she hae it much worse.”

The words struck a chord with Nessa, who softened.

“Ye are right. I’m sorry, Caroline. I’m just tired of being stuck here. I feel itchy all over. I dinnae like being kept like some captured fox. He may hae given us a nicer room, but it’s nae as though we can roam about the castle freely. What we really need is tae know more about Ryan, tae see if he can be trusted. Did he tell ye why he believes uncle killed Da?” Nessa asked.

Caroline shook her head. “I’m afraid nae. At that moment, he was convinced that I was a spy, and he said he would nae trust me with the information. I hae been trying tae think of ways I can earn his trust, but I’m nae sure it’s possible.”