Page 59 of Shark’s Pride

“In the car,” I commanded. “Right now. Before you catch pneumonia.” With her still in my squeeze, I shuffled toward the back door of the car, refusing to hear an argument about it. “Turn up the heat back here, Joel. And give us some privacy.”

“Ready to head home?” Joel asked, turning in his seat as soon as we were inside.

“Just give us a few minutes here.”

“Of course.” He disappeared as the privacy divider completed its ascent.

For the better part of a minute, the only sound between us was the forced warm air from the vents and Abbi’s brisk hand rubs. Fortunately it didn’t take long for her to start taking more relaxed breaths. Still, I waited until she was visibly cozy before speaking up again.

“Listen.” And so much for either of us lingering in the land of comfortable. I doubled up on my cringe, realizing my tone was already more abrupt than I intended. “Sorry,” I blurted, reacting to the defensive look she shot over. “Sorry. That was more aggressive than I intended.” I sighed, gripping my nape with deeper fervor.

My on-theme line earned me at least a softer scowl. “We don’t have to keep beating this up, Sebastian. Honestly.”

I halted the self-strangle but didn’t drop my hand. “Also not my intention.”

“I realized my overstep the minute I made it.” She hugged herself. I couldn’t tell if the action was spurred by a new chill, a new miff, or both. “I should know better than to push you beyond your comfort zone.”

“Which shouldn’t have really mattered,” I countered. I expected her puzzled glance and addressed it at once. “I told you I’d try, remember? That I really want to try with you. And the first time you asked for more from me, I flipped my shit.” I shook my head. “That doesn’t seem like trying, does it?”

“But it’s at least a step.” Though her tone was encouraging, she made no move to reach for me again. Maybe that was for the best. “You recognize it now. That’s better than before.”

“But it’s not good enough.” I had to clench my jaw to hold back from scooting toward her. “Yet I can’t promise it won’t happen again. You have no idea how foreign this all is for me. Just…no idea, Abbi.”

She believed me. It didn’t make anything easier, but I could see the certainty of it in her eyes before she replied, “I think I have a pretty good idea, actually.” She pivoted so we faced each other a little better. “I haven’t been in a ton of relationships either.”

“Yes, but you’ve had normal interactions with people your entire life. I can’t even say that.”

“You’ve had Pia,” she interjected. “And what about Grant?”

“But I’m not in love with Grant!”

The moment I realized what had just leapt from my lips, I rushed to undo the startling damage. “Well, you know what I mean,” I spewed. “Not in love, per se…”

And I was just making everything worse. The furrow of her brow and the frantic bounces of her chest were clear signs of that.

“Not sure I do know what you mean,” Abbi challenged through gritted teeth. “Per se…?”

“I mean…referring to Grant.” It sounded as jittery as I felt. Jesus Christ. This all just went from shit show to clusterfuck in the blink of an eye. “I mean, he’s important. I…care for him. But he’s not family. Not like Pia and Vela.”

“Sure,” she murmured, rubbing her upper arms again. “I get it. Your family gets your love, and the rest of the world gets whatever’s left over.”

I leaned my head back on the seat. Rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger. I pressed into the sockets until stars danced behind my lids.

Shit show.

Clusterfuck.

What was the next step after that?

Because I was pretty sure I’d just taken us there.

There was an escape hatch. But just one. I had to distract Abbi with the information she’d originally wanted. A diversion from my disastrous slip. Goddammit, I hated being backed into a corner, especially because I was the one who’d put myself here.

I took advantage of the moment to get in a heavy sigh. But there was no mental break along with it. It was time to dig deep, dropping my mind into a hell I hated visiting.

My childhood.

“All right.” My ensuing exhale was so loud, I was surprised Joel didn’t hop out to check if we’d just gotten a flat. “Here we go,” I muttered.