Page 55 of Bought By Sin

I swallowed hard and scrambled for what to say. “What do you mean?” If he was asking me if I was fucking his cousin, was I supposed to lie and keep it a secret? It was forbidden to even lust after my owner and boss. Was I supposed to tell the truth? My words still felt like all the power I could hold, and I wasn’t sure if I could or should wield them.

“Are you only his assistant?” he asked calmly. “Or is that just the most convenient label he can give you while you become something more?”

“I…” I shook my head. “Those are questions you should ask him.”

There. Deflect and let Lev handle this.

That was smart.

“I’m asking you.” He lowered his hand and shoved them into the pockets of his shorts. Relaxed and non-threatening like this, he didn’t intimidate me. His questions did, though.

“You are committed, right?”

I blinked once, surprised.

“I mean, after how you wanted to make sure Elena and Carina were sheltered, it seems sort of dumb of me to ask you that.”

That did seem like a turning point. But it wasn’t at the same time. “It was just my instinct. I detected danger and they were the vulnerable ones around, pregnant and unaware of their surroundings.”

He shook his head. “I’m not convinced it was just instinct. It seemed like your loyalty was showing.”

“I am loyal,” I said.

“But not because of how Lev got you here.” He raised his brows as if daring me to argue about that. “I realize they’re still trying to find a ‘job’ that suits you here, but I’m wondering if I’ll be the first one to call that bluff.”

“How so?”

“Because you are committed. I can see it every time you and Lev are near each other. I watched it in how he was so furious when that man put his hand on you. You’re his. Not just someone he brought here to work for us, but something more. That’s why I’m asking you to make sure I’m not seeing something that’s not there. You are committed to the family. As an employee of some kind. But do you see yourself committed to Lev, too?”

I licked my lips, unsure of what to say. For the first time, someone was putting me directly on the spot to say what I saw of my purpose here.

I had feelings for that control freak who’d whisked me out of that standoff in the desert a couple of months ago. My heart was getting involved with the thoughts I had of him. It wasn’t a simple matter of reminding myself that I was here to work. That I should be here to obey and look out for the first opening of escape.

Oh, my God.

I couldn’t recall the last time I’d even thought about getting away.

I’d been spending so much time thinking about how else to fit in.

I woke up looking forward to what Lev would ask of me.

I went to sleep with memories of all the little looks, touches, and sighs that both of us experienced together as we “worked” with this investigation into Gregori and Yusef Antonov.

How can I be this… stupid?

That was what it felt like. It had to be wrong and foolish to let Lev surpass escaping in terms of my priorities. I’d been trapped and stuck in a life of servitude for ten years. I had to be free. I couldn’t fully submit. I owed it to myself to fight for freedom. But in all this time here, and especially when Lev made me feel so good, I couldn’t really claim that I wasn’t free.

Conflicted with what I was supposed to think anymore, I lowered my head and neared a low-burning panic of what to tell Nikolai. Of how I could dodge his pointed questions. I couldn’t understand how I could let my heart—or my body—rule all the decisions for me when deep in my mind, all I had ever known to do was operate in survival mode.

“I see.”

I jerked my head up and frowned at Nikolai. He was wearing one of those shit-eating, aha smiles. “You see what?”

“I see plenty,” he said. “Enough that I don’t think it’s worth wasting my time to wonder if you’re committed to being a part of the Bratva’s organization.” He smirked, moving so as to leave me be. “Or a part of my cousin’s life.”

He sauntered away with those last words, damning me to try to muddle through the warring debate of whether he was right or wrong about me.

About me and Lev.